


It's all because of you

by mardi89



Category: Erkenci Kuş (TV)
Genre: AU-Can goes to the Balkans, AU-after ep 30, F/M, Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Just some generally cute shit, Porn with Feelings, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-10-30 18:28:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 41,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17833838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mardi89/pseuds/mardi89
Summary: "But I would rather feel the stingThan never to have felt a thingI'll always know you were the oneTo rip me from the ground"





	1. It’s all because of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is what happens when you listen to sad songs during a snow storm.
> 
> I listened to "I'm Through" by Ingrid Michaelson on repeat and you should too.
> 
> I have never finished anything let alone posted before so be gentle with me.

-Him-

The wind whipped large snowflakes into his face. He was only about a kilometer away from where he set up his base camp, but the weather had turned and was making the journey slow and dangerous. This was not the worst storm he’d been stuck in, but he hadn’t endured anything like this in years. He checked his compass again and verified that he was indeed going the right direction. He had just secured the compass in the right pocket of his parka when he saw her.

She was just standing there in the snow a few meters in front of him. Her eyes pierced him. He would know them anywhere. They were a deep, brilliant, auburn brown just like the amber pendent that hung from her neck. Her long dark hair swirled around her beautiful face. A gauzy dress whirled around her, covered in and surrounded by white. She was angelic.

His first instinct was to reach out to her, keep her warm, protect her. The thought came to him suddenly that maybe the person he should be worrying about was himself. What if she really was an angel and she had come to him in the hour of his death? In all his travels, in all his nearly fatal moments, he had never seen anything like this. Even when he was injured so badly in Sri Lanka that he spent months in hospital he didn’t have mystical visions.

Her eyes glowed with unshed tears. The sight of it ripped into him. He was rooted to the spot, knee deep in snow, as she continued silently staring at him. He had become accustomed to the hollowness in his chest, knowing he left his heart back in a little mahalle in Istanbul. _She_ was his heart, his bright side of the moon, his angel. When he left weeks ago, he did so without breaking down, without a backward glance. Now he couldn’t break her gaze, couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down his face. He failed her, he broke all his promises, he broke her heart. The pain settled in the ragged gash where she used to be.

Why was this happening to him now? Not a week ago when he nearly ran out of rations, not three weeks ago before he left Istanbul. He managed to really look at her through the veil of his tears. She was in pain, she was _afraid_. She _needed_ him. When he saw the amber of her necklace glow brighter than her eyes he knew. He had to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came to me really quickly today, but I am definitely considering adding HER story, and possibly expanding it.
> 
> Let me know what you think down in the comments.


	2. Oh, it hurts to be here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
> Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something  
> Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so surprised and delighted by the response I got so quickly from the first (very small) chapter. This one isn't too much bigger, but it delves into HER story.
> 
> The song for this chapter is "Breathe Again" by Sara Bareilles

-Her-

Having more time to write had been the only good thing to happen to her in weeks. Her last day of work was 6 days ago and since then she hadn’t stopped writing in her notebook. She used one of her trusty gel pens, the elegant feather pen had been gently placed in its box then hastily shut away in a drawer. Everything she saw, everywhere she went, she saw him. Writing was her outlet. Sometimes she would have preferred to run far away, but that wasn’t a luxury afforded to her. Besides, that’s what he did. No need for both people to run.

After two weeks of wallowing in her misery, she started purposefully going to all of their special places, maybe to test herself, maybe to provoke any emotion other than a dull and constant sorrow. She went to their rocks by the water near her neighborhood first. She was forced to relive many memories at the agency and her house; the former she had recently escaped, the latter she couldn’t escape. The rocks were convenient to get to, and if she was honest, held some of the not so good memories of them. At first she didn’t feel much of anything, she had seen those rocks many times before she met him. One by one the images came flooding in:

His hands pulling her in to him when she tried to get away from all that he was confronting her with.

His fully belly laugh when she told him she wasn’t attracted to him.

The way he picked her up and whirled her around after their successful commercial shoot.

Eating chocolate and crying a river of tears after he called her “the other one” and refused to believe her.

How his eyes glowed when he told her they would just get married.

She cried so hard after the last memory that she scared an elderly teyze sitting on a nearby bench. After she put herself together and walked home, she filled a whole notebook with her words. She wasn’t sure if she was writing her novel, her personal journal, or just a jumble of words, but she felt better when she was done. The catharsis was addictive.

Today she made up her mind to go to his cabin on the outskirts of the city. She took her red moped out of storage just for the occasion. The weather was becoming milder as Spring approached, and would make her task easier. Part of her wanted to prove that she could drive it without his help. The cabin was far from home, the route included busy roads and rough terrain, and the sensible part of her recognized the potential self-destructive behavior. She decided to press on, only wearing the helmet and none of the body pads just to spite him.

She managed to get there without incident. It took three times longer than if she had taken a taxi and she got honked at the majority of the way there, but all’s well that ends well. Many of the memories from the cabin were happy ones, and she wasn’t sure how she would react. As she sat on a stump near the fire pit she surprised herself by smiling. She retrieved her notebook and began writing. Happy thoughts flowed from her pen for hours until she stopped to realize the sun was setting. Her mom was going to kill her. It would probably take even longer to get home in the dark. She was being careless, but deep down she knew that this was the happiest she’d been in weeks and it was worth it.

It was fully dark now and the going was slow. She wasn’t lost, she had a photographic memory after all. Driving in low light had never been her specialty, and balancing the bike was proving difficult. The roads near the cabin weren’t very busy, but each car that passed seemed bigger and their headlights brighter. The road seemed to narrow as she rounded a steep curve. Suddenly large lights burned her eyes from way too close. She lost her balance. Everything happened in slow motion, but so fast that she couldn’t focus on any one detail very long.

The sensation of falling.

The sound of a large truck driving at high speed.

The cold feeling of wet grass.

The stars above her becoming a fuzzy blur.

The amber pendent glowing hot on her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments!


	3. Just don’t leave, Don’t leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’m not living  
> I’m just killing time  
> Your tiny hands  
> Your crazy kitten smile"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll!
> 
> The song for this chapter is "True Love Waits" by Radiohead (the version from A Moon Shaped Pool album)

-Him-

“No.” His voice cracked around the word from emotion as well as disuse.

Deep down he knew something was terribly wrong with her. He didn’t want to acknowledge the guilt he had for not being there to protect her. Not that he had any right to, he gave up his claim on her when he broke it off. But he’s always believed in fantastical mythical things, and he fully believed that she was sending him a message. That amber necklace had worked once, in a forest near Istanbul, and he knew it would work again. To bring the lovers together. To help him find her.

He ran the rest of the way to his camp and packed his shit even though it was dusk and the trek down the mountain would take hours. Stubbornness and stupidity had led him away from her, but he wouldn’t let it keep him there. Finally, at nearly midnight in a strange village in Bulgaria, he found a man that would sell him a truck on short notice. He was starving, deliriously tired, and pretty sure his vehicle was a death trap, but he was on his way to her.

Only a few hours in he had to cave to basic necessities and stop at a gas station. He blindly grabbed something to eat and a black coffee, plonking money on the counter and leaving. He had more important things to worry about than overspending at a convenience store.

He was in line at the border crossing into Turkey before he even contemplated what the situation at home might be. Did anyone else know if she was hurt? Or was she lost? Kidnapped? It had been about 10 hours since he saw her up on that mountain. Thinking about her being afraid or in pain for that amount of time was pure agony. His brain was spiraling and his hands shook on the wheel of the old battered truck.

Part of him wanted to be the one to swoop in and save the day. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her, help her heal from whatever had happened to her. It was selfish, he knew, but those were the thoughts that fueled him. If he thought about the list of terrible scenarios running in the back of his mind, he would actually go crazy.

As dawn approached and he got closer to Istanbul, closer to her, he felt solace in the fact that he could feel, like physically _feel_ , her presence growing stronger. The connection they had, transmitted through the amber necklace he gave her, hadn’t broken or weakened. It was pulling him to where she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	4. I could live with dyin' tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you hear me calling for you  
> From the top of the old trees  
> Heavy snow upon the branches  
> He tells me to let it be"
> 
> "As I lay me down to sleep I pray  
> Like a widow’s walk my faith will never fade  
> Cause I know, living right is mostly in the tryin’"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got TWO songs for this chapter, because I really couldn't choose. I listened to both on repeat while writing this.
> 
> "The Kingfisher" by Rosemary and Garlic  
> &  
> "I Could Live With Dying Tonight" by Emma-Lee

-Her-

Her rather enjoyable feeling of peace and calm was disturbed by the sensation of a pair of strong arms lifting her. They felt safe and familiar, but something about these arms was just _off_. She couldn’t be bothered to think about it too deeply because the feeling of peace was fading, replaced by a general dull pain that she knew would turn sharper as she swam closer to the surface of consciousness. So she chose to focus on the comforting feeling of this person, this _man_ , and let herself drift back to the calm waters of sleep.

This time she could feel his hand. Again something about it was different. She did not feel the pain intensify as she reached the surface of consciousness as she had previously thought. She took a moment to feel the hand in hers, to ponder the differences and similarities to the one she so desperately wanted it to be. It was large, most definitely a man’s hand, the fingers were long, like _his_ , but the palm was smaller and the skin softer than she remembered. Still, it was a pleasant feeling, and she squeezed the hand as her eyelids fluttered open.

“Sanem?” his voice was familiar, but disappointment ripped through her at the realization that _he_ wasn’t here with her.

“Emre?” she didn’t mean for her voice to break as she said his name.

“You’re alright Sanem. You’re in the hospital.” he put on his most soothing charming voice.

“How?” she was desperate to make sense of what was going on.

“You had an accident. Leyla called me in a panic, looking for you. I drove out to the cabin to see if you were there. I saw your bike on the side of the road. You were very cold, so I put you right in my car and drove you here myself.”

“Leyla?”

“She’s on her way with your parents.” he was somehow able to interpret her one-word questions.

“Thank you.” her voice cracked again and tears came unbidden.

“You’ll be alright.” he looked a little uncomfortable but he squeezed her hand back in reassurance.

She gave him a small watery smile and shut her eyes again. Her mom was going to kill her. That made her smile bigger. She was lucky to have so many people around her that loved her and were concerned for her. It would be a lie to say that she didn’t want one person in particular to be _especially_ concerned, but she wasn’t about to be ungrateful.

Images of _his_ deep expressive eyes and stupid dimpled smile haunted her as she drifted back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	5. But I'll be there for you, As the world falls down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's such a sad love   
> Deep in your eyes A kind of pale jewel   
> Open and closed Within your eyes   
> I'll place the sky   
> Within your eyes"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is "As the World Falls Down" by Aaron Richards (original by David Bowie)
> 
> I have a thing for haunting piano music, so sue me.

-Him-

She was so beautiful. Her dark hair was fanned out on the white pillow under her, making her look like one of those religious renaissance paintings. He thought she would look sick. Pale or bruised. From where he was rooted to the spot just inside the doorway of her room, she looked perfect.

Logically he knew that she was mostly covered by blankets and a hospital gown, and that she _was_ injured under all that. It made him sick to think of her soft golden skin covered in green and blue bruises, little nicks and bloody scratches. So he stayed where he was. He was trapped there. Afraid to wake her. Afraid to hurt her. Afraid his heart would break open and bleed out right there on the tile floor.

When he got closer to Istanbul he had turned his smartphone back on. He’d been using his satellite phone up on the mountain, but that was only to call in for supplies or check weather conditions. He didn’t want to talk to anyone from home. He didn’t want to know anything. Now he hated himself for it. He needed to know _everything_.

It was just after sunrise when he couldn’t stand it any longer. He called Emre.

“Abi?” his voice was gravely. He sounded exhausted.

“What happened?” he knew he was being an asshole right now but he didn’t care.

“Can, how?” he was confused. He couldn’t have known that _she_ appeared to him on top of a mountain to call him home, and that he came as quickly as he could without a second thought.

“I’m just over an hour away. Tell me if you know where she is.” he didn’t mince words. He had no time.

“Can, calm down, tamam? She’s alright.”

“Emre I know damn well she isn’t alright so tell me where she is!” the panic was rising in his throat. His foot bearing down harder on the gas pedal.

“Abi, come home and change, get something to eat, and we can go to the hospital together.” his brother meant well, but he was really dense sometimes. The word _hospital_ made his heart skip a beat.

“You know I won’t. Tell me which hospital.” he was calmer now, if only outwardly.

“I’ll text you the details, tamam? Please don’t do anything stupid.” he said it affectionately, but with serious meaning behind it.

“Görüşürüz.” he felt bad about how he treated Emre, but he could apologize later. For now, nothing was going to come between him and _her_.

He was shocked that the nurses let him come into the wing where she was located. His beard was overgrown, hair hastily put in a bun, and he was still wearing his dirty mountain clothes. Visiting hours had just started and the hospital was slowly coming to life. The scent of coffee brewing cut through the antiseptic smell. The nurse that led him to her room offered to get him a cup, she could probably see how bloodshot his eyes were. He declined, fearing that if he had anything in his hands he would drop it upon seeing her laying in a hospital bed. It was probably a good call.

He was still enraptured by the sight of her long shiny hair falling in tendrils down the pillowcase when he heard it.

“Can?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	6. I can't take my eyes off of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And so it is just like you said it would be   
> Life goes easy on me   
> Most of the time   
> And so it is the shorter story   
> No love, no glory   
> No hero in her sky”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is "The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice. I have loved this song for over a decade and I never get sick of listening to it.

-Her-

She wanted him to come back to her so badly that she never stopped to think what she would do if he actually showed up. His deep chocolate eyes were the last thing she saw before she drifted off to sleep, and the first thing she saw when she woke up. But this was real. He was really there, standing in her hospital room. She took a second to be sure, to really look at him. He was pale, and staring fixed at a point above her head.

“Can?”

He jolted out of his trance. It was like he’d seen a ghost.

“How did you..?” how did he know?

“I saw you.”

“What?” she searched his face to be sure he was fully cognizant.

“I saw you.” he said it with more conviction this time.

She looked at him like he was crazy for 5 whole seconds before it dawned on her. Her hand went slowly to her chest of its own accord, searching for her amber pendent. She remembered it growing so hot she thought it would burn through her sweater in the moment just before she lost consciousness.

“I felt it.” she looked at him then. _Really_ looked. Her hand was still locked around the pendent he gave her.

“I did too.” his eyes said everything. There were tears threatening to fall. They were bloodshot and _hard_ and sad. But there was also a spark there. Of hope? Of love?

Their eyes were riveted to each other for an indeterminable amount of time before she realized that they had been having a conversation meters apart. He looked like he was glued to that spot.

She shyly looked down at her lap and let go of her pendent before meeting his eyes again.

“Will you come sit by me?” she broke his reverie.

“Of course.” his feet stuttered into movement.

He sat in the chair that Emre was in when she woke up the first time. The coincidence didn’t slip her notice. It was like she _willed_ it into existence. And, in a way, she had. The only thing that would make it perfect was...

His hand slipped over hers and squeezed tight. It was big and rough and warm and perfect.

She squeezed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	7. I surrender who I’ve been for who you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart   
> If I had only felt how it feels to be yours   
> Well I would have known   
> What I've been living for all along"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is "Turning Page" by Sleeping At Last. One of the most beautiful love songs ever in my humble opinion. 
> 
> This chapter is a little different: more dialogue, and sort of a transition chapter.

-Him-

A sense of serenity and _wholeness_ overcame him. Her little hand was his lifeline. If she was alive, he was alive. And he hadn’t really been living in the weeks he spent away from her. He knew that now. He was angry at himself, that it took her nearly dying to get it through his thick skull.

The tranquility that she conveyed through touch must have been enough to tip him over the edge into sleep. Allah knows he needed it. He always did sleep better when she was in his arms.

He woke up to someone clearing his throat rather pointedly near him.

He opened his eyes to see Nihat Bey towering over him, looking very disgruntled. Something about that man always made him feel like he was 16 and got caught sneaking in her room. Which he kind of really wanted to do sometime. _Now is not the time idiot!_

“Uh, Nihat Bey, günaydin.” he sat up straighter in his chair and hastily removed his hand from hers.

He snuck a glance at her before standing up and surveying the room. She looked a little awkward and concerned about her family’s reaction, but he could see the hint of a smile there too. Leyla held her father’s arm, whether to console or reign him in he couldn’t tell. Her mother was giving him a look that actually frightened him.

“Günaydin Can Bey.” Leyla was polite but cool. “It’s probably best for you to go home. I’m sure Emre can update you on anything that happens.”

The thought of Emre knowing more than he did, being closer to her and her family than he was, wounded something in him. He nodded, avoiding eye contact as much as possible.

He looked straight into _her_ eyes. “I’ll talk to you soon, tamam? Çabuk iyileş.”

He didn’t want to leave her, but he thought he might be the next one in a hospital bed if he stayed. Nihat’s eyes bore holes into him even as he was leaving.

The drive home seemed to take ages. He felt his head nod several times and knew that he shouldn’t be driving in his condition, but he was almost there.

“Can? What are you driving?” Emre looked amused and concerned.

“Emre? I thought you’d be at the office.” he slammed the rickety door shut.

“I thought I was probably needed here more. Besides, I knew her family would kick you out when they got there.”

“Thanks Abi.” he rolled his eyes at his brother. “She’s alright. I know she’s in good hands.”

“That _is_ what I told you this morning. And what about you? Iyisen?”

“I just need a shower and sleep. I’m going to check on her in a few hours.”

“Can, I don’t know if you should go back.”

“Why not Emre?” he was getting angry with him again.

“I just think we should talk first, that’s all.”

“Yeah. Alright. I’m going to head in.” he was still irritated and dismissive but deep down he knew Emre was right.

The warm spray of the shower helped calm him. The water on the shower floor turned a muddled light brown as he washed the grime off. It was weird to think that this time yesterday he was on top of a mountain. Just him and his camera. He couldn’t be mad about how drastically his circumstances had changed. He knew he wasn’t happy up there.

Not that it was going much better back at home. Her parents hated him and Emre was treating him with kid gloves. It was eating him alive that no one had called him when she got hurt. He checked both phones. Nothing. Had he burned all of his bridges when he left? Did everyone in her life think he didn’t love her?

He dried off and put on sleep clothes. His bed had never been more comfortable. He lay awake for a while thinking, mostly remembering her face. She didn’t really look that different. It had only been three weeks since he last saw her, but in his mind he imagined she would be changed. Maybe she would have a new job, new attitude, maybe she would cut her hair. Some of the scenarios he came up with to torture himself. That she found love again, and that her family and friends loved her new man. The fact that that could still be true was tucked to the back of his mind.

He squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to think of the positives. She was alive, she was in good spirits, she asked him to sit with her. When he held her hand, she gripped his fingers in return. A smile played on his face. He had hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	8. Something always brings me back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You hold me without touch   
> You keep me without chains   
> I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love   
> And not feel your reign"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles, an oldie but a goody. Every time I listen to it I get a new meaning from it. It's sort of sad and brave and hopeful and full of love all at once. Kinda like our girl Sanem.

-Her-

She wasn’t really listening to what the doctor was saying. Her eyes were still locked on the doorway where he exited minutes ago.

“Sanem?”

“Huh? Um yes?”

“You should listen to the doctor. He might discharge you this evening but he has specific instructions.” her mother was scolding her like a child.

She nodded and listened.

“Sanem, you had a serious accident. We are going to run a few more tests to make sure nothing else is wrong and if they come back negative you will be able to go home. As for your injuries, we would like you to continue taking your pain medication and keep your ankle elevated. Thankfully it’s just a fracture, but we want to be sure it heals correctly. Keep the brace on your wrist except for bathing, and we will have you check in with your regular physician tomorrow and you will continue care with them.” the doctor turned to her mother to give some instructions on keeping her cuts clean and what ointment to use.

He turned back to her. “You got very lucky. If you hadn’t been wearing your helmet, we would be looking at a very different prognosis. You _should_ have been wearing body pads too, and you should in the future if you ever drive a bike again. Someone really must have been looking out for you.”

The doctor didn’t know how right he was. She forces herself to relive the memory of laying in cold grass, the amber pendent burning her chest, so that she can never forget it. She could feel him then. It was like his life force seeped into her. Keeping her there. And a little of her spirit reached out to him where he was. It was a miracle.

She remembers how she woke up for the second time in the hospital when her mother and father rushed in to be by her side. Leyla had noticed Emre holding her hand and a look passed between the two.

“She was a little scared when she woke up here. I told her she was going to be alright.” he looked back at her and smiled. She smiled back at him. It was funny how things changed. He was truly a different person. A good man.

“Thank you Emre.” Leyla whispered as her mother and father surrounded her and blocked her view of the pair.

The doctor had come in to tell them what happened. Her mother cried into her father’s chest. Leyla took Emre’s seat and was holding her hand. Emre helped explain what he thought happened based on the scene he encountered. The doctor thanked him for his quick action. She was hypothermic when she got there. She probably couldn’t have waited for an ambulance.

It was late at night and visiting hours were ending. The doctor ushered her parents out with promises to contact them if anything changed. While her mom and dad spoke with the doctor, she spied Leyla giving Emre a hug. Leyla’s hand lingered on his arm a moment and she wiped a tear before turning and waving goodbye to her.

They were all there again at the foot of her bed, all except Emre. She hoped he got some sleep. And that he would tell Can what happened. She didn’t feel strong enough to tell him. It was embarrassing enough explaining to her family what she was doing at the cabin all by herself. She knew they thought she was crazy. That she maybe was desperate and lovesick and reckless. She would never do _that_ to her family, no matter how bad things were. Besides, she was actually happy when she left the cabin. But she had been reckless. She didn’t know how to drive the bike very well and she knew that. She vowed to never do anything that stupid again.

“You rest now baby. We will be back this evening to get you when you are discharged.” her mother was patting her head and stroking her face.

“Okay Anne. I love you.”

“We are going to set up the sitting room for you to rest in so you are more comfortable. Love you, kizim.”

“Thanks Baba.”

“See ya ablacim!”

“Bye Leyla.”

Why had it taken her nearly dying to realize what she had right here the whole time? She had always loved her family, but she had taken them for granted the past few weeks. She had been in a daze. They quietly supported her, helped her. She barely noticed. It was true that she was going through something monumental in her life. She was trying to pick up the pieces and make them fit, but they just didn’t. _He_ was the missing piece.

She was trying to figure out how to live without him.

She realized that she _had_. She finished out her two weeks at the agency by herself. She started writing again. She drove that damn moped by herself, even if only half the trip was successful. He wasn’t the one who picked her off the ground and brought her to safety. He wasn’t the first one to visit her in the hospital. She wasn’t about to discredit whatever miracle had occurred with her amber necklace, but she recognized that wasn’t the only reason she was sitting here mostly okay.

Now she knew she could live without him, but she didn’t _want_ to. And that was the difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	9. I will follow you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Follow you wherever you may go   
> There isn't an ocean too deep   
> A mountain so high it can keep   
> Keep me away   
> Away from my love"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is "I Will Follow You" by Toulouse. I listened to this toward the end of the chapter, but mostly I listened to "Experience" by Ludovico Einaudi which is an incredible instrumental song. 
> 
> I never felt like I was very good at dialogue (maybe I'm still not), but this just really came naturally to me when writing it. For some reason I really like writing for Emre? Super random because I didn't even like him until like EP 28 of the show. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

-Him-

_Shit._

He slept longer than he wanted to. He got dressed in a rush and scraped his hair back out of his face.

“Emre, I’m gonna head out!” he peeked his head around the corner to the living room.

“Wait Abi. I said we should talk first. And you haven’t eaten anything yet.” Emre turned from his spot on the sofa.

“Öf, Abi.” he rolled his eyes and his whole body back. He did not want to hear this.

Emre got up and ushered him to the kitchen so they could sit at the bar. He put a sandwich in front of him, and well, he really couldn’t say no to that.

Emre let him eat a little before bearing bad news.

“You know she’s been discharged from the hospital now anyway. Leyla texted me.” Emre said it gently but it still hit him hard in the chest.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”

“Well, first of all you were asleep otherwise I would have told you.”

“I mean... Why can’t Leyla text me. Or Sanem...” he hadn’t said her name out loud in nearly a month and he choked on the word more than the food in his mouth.

“Can. Abi. You know things ended badly.” Emre put his hand on his older brother’s shoulder but it did little to comfort him.

“But, how do I fix it?” he had never been this vulnerable with Emre before. It was scary to open himself up, but he knew he could trust his brother, finally.

“I don’t know man. I still don’t know what to do about Leyla. All I can say is to start small, simple.”

“So, don’t go charging into her hospital room is what you’re saying?” he felt comfortable enough to not take himself too seriously.

“Ha.” Emre was definitely amused. “Maybe just text her? Keep it light? Let her know you’re going to be around if she needs you. You _are_ staying right?”

“I’m not an idiot.” Emre gave him a look and he amended his statement. “Anymore. I was stupid for leaving in the first place. I’m not dumb enough to do it again.”

“Good. We need you here. _I_ do. I need you here. I guess I missed you.” Emre was being more open too.

“Gel.” it felt good to hug it out with his brother. At least one person was on his team.

“You should finish that.” Emre was trying to change the subject. And food was one of his favorites.

“Oh, I plan to.” he took a giant bite.” Since I’m stuck here eating why don’t you fill me in on what happened. I didn’t really get a chance to ask her, and I didn’t know if she’d want to talk about it anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m a big boy.” _Well, physically yes, but emotionally sometimes not_. He tried to ignore that fact and keep stuffing his face.

Emre told him about how Leyla called him in a panic when Sanem hadn’t come home for dinner. Muzo and CeyCey were combing the neighborhood, Osman and Ayhan were driving around to her usual haunts and no one had any luck. Leyla remembered how special the cabin was to her, and thought she might have gone there. Emre was the only one with a car that knew where it was, so he left immediately to look.

He told him about seeing her shiny red moped in a heap at the edge of the road. About how hard it was raining. How dark and cold it was. How the only reason he saw her laying so far down the embankment was because of the water glinting off of her helmet.

He had no idea. How could he? He sat there enraptured. A tear escaped when Emre told him how he picked her up like a little doll and put her in his car. It _killed_ him. That he wasn’t there for her. That his brother had to do what was his duty, because of his own damn pride, his _stupidity_.

Emre told him that she had fractured her right ankle and sprained her left wrist. They thought she might have had a serious head injury because she was passed out on the side of the road for so long. The helmet saved her life. She had passed out from pain and didn’t fully regain consciousness because her body was nearly hypothermic. She’s covered in huge bruises and hundreds of little cuts and scrapes, but she will heal and make a full recovery.

“Abi? Are you alright?”

He had stopped eating. He was staring at the plate in front of him, trying in vain to keep his tears at bay.

“Thank you.” he whispered

“What?”

“Thank you.” he looked Emre right in the eyes. “You did what I should have been here to do and I can never repay you. You saved her.”

Emre looked at him for a long moment and an understanding passed between them.

“I know you would do the same for me.”

He nodded. He would. In a heartbeat.

“I will never leave again. You will never have to take my place like that again.”

Emre smiled. “That’s good to hear, but maybe I shouldn’t be the only one you tell that to.”

He smiled back, and nodded. He hugged his little brother tighter than he ever had, then went back down the hall to his room.

He lay on his bed thinking. Self-reflection was not usually his strong suit, but maybe it was something he should work on.

Maybe everyone but Emre avoided telling him things because of how he usually reacted. Even Emre tried to brace him before he told him about her accident. He didn’t react how he expected to, how he normally would. Normally he would get angry, want to break something or leave. This time he couldn’t. He just had to sit there and take it. His tears were cathartic for him. So was having a heart to heart with Emre. He knew he had issues to work on, and that he would mess up again in the future. But he vowed to himself to never screw up that bad ever again.

Now to start fixing things.

**Sanem Hanim:**

_**I know you’re tired and I hope you are resting. I just want to talk to you when you feel up to it.** _

_**Can** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments.


	10. This is the last time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is the last time I'm asking you this,   
> Put my name at the top of your list,   
> This is the last time I'm asking you why,   
> You break my heart in the blink of an eye"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is "The Last Time" by Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody. I love that it's a duet and the man and woman each have different intentions, a different meaning to their words. It's hopeful yet final. Definitely give it a listen.

-Her-

She heard her phone ping just as she was getting comfortable on the sofa. Her dad went to the store to take over for Muzo and close up shop. Her mom and sister were down in the kitchen making dinner. She still looked around to make sure no one was there before she checked her message. She had a pretty good idea who it was from and her family definitely wouldn’t approve.

**_I know you’re tired and I hope you are resting. I just want to talk to you when you feel up to it._ **

**_Can_ **

She didn’t know how to feel about his text. It was so... _different_? It was a perfectly normal thing to say, but she expected something different from him. She would have expected him to say that he was parked in front of her house and he was going to come in and talk to her NOW no matter what it took. Or that he was headed back to the Balkans the next day, so get well soon. Or how foolish and reckless it was to try to drive the bike without him, or almost anything but what he actually said.

He was showing concern but wasn’t being overbearing. He was letting her know he wanted to see her, but letting her choose if that’s what _she_ wanted. This was a new Can. Or maybe he finally realized how royally he screwed up and was groveling. _Good. He should grovel a little._

She heard her sister coming up the steps and quickly hid her phone in the cushion next to her.

“Sanem?” Leyla peeked her head around the corner. ”Osman and Ayhan and CeyCey want to come visit. Are you up for it if they come to dinner?”

“Sure. I’d like that.” she smiled at her sister.

“Tamam.” Leyla went back down to help their mother.

After dinner all her friends sat surrounding her in the sitting room. Mevkibe set out tea and cookies for them but no one was really partaking.

“We’re happy you are home and recovering. Let me know if there is anything we can do for you okay?” Osman was speaking for himself and Ayhan she knew.

“Thank you, Abi.” she secretly liked when he did the whole protective big brother thing. It’s what he was to her after all.

Ayhan didn’t say much. She was still crying a little and leaning on her shoulder while holding her non-injured hand.

CeyCey had given her a big hug before they sat down in the living room. She didn’t know what she did to deserve these people in her life but she truly cherished them.

“Somebody better eat these or Anne will be upset.” she took a big bite out of a cookie to break the tension and sadness in the room.

It felt good to talk and laugh again. Why hadn’t she done this sooner? The truth was that she probably hadn’t been ready until now. _Everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it?_

Ayhan moved so she could prop her leg up on a pillow. She cuddled up on the window seat with CeyCey. Leyla was perched on the arm of the chair Osman was in. It was like old times, but now with CeyCey. And Leyla was engaged to Osman. Things changed, they were growing up, pairing up. She felt the loss of _him_ again very suddenly.

Leyla noticed the change in her demeanor and wrapped things up. She mouthed a “thank you” to her big sister over Ayhan’s shoulder as she was hugging her goodbye. She waved to Osman and blew CeyCey and friendly kiss.

She tried to put _him_ out of her mind while her mother and sister helped her get ready for bed. She didn’t risk getting her phone out until after her dad kissed her head goodnight and shut the lights off. The living room felt a little odd and empty with everyone gone, but she was thankful for the space to think.

She read his message over and over again. Two sentences shouldn’t mean so much to her. What would her family think? And her friends? The people who were there for her when he wasn’t. Part of her felt guilty for still loving him after everything he put her through. The other part knew she could never stop loving him, that she would love him for the rest of her life.

Now she had to choose a path. Should she let him go, or should she risk it all and fight for them again? Take the smooth route and keep her loved ones happy and her heart walled up? Or take the dangerous rocky path back to _him_.

With her heart pounding in her chest she typed a reply and pressed send.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has commented and liked this story so far. You are all angels. Let me know what you think!


	11. When you think you're on your own, I'm still coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When my heart is ready to burst,   
> When the world spins in reverse   
> I'll keep running   
> To the place where I belong "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It makes me so happy that so many of you love the music. I actually get a lot of song inspo from fan videos. The videos this fandom produces are truly masterpieces and I just wanted to do a shout out.
> 
> The song for today is "Running" by James Bay.

-Him-

**_I need time._ **

**_Sanem_ **

It hurt. He wasn’t going to pretend it didn’t. He fully expected her to say something like this, but it wounded his pride a little anyway. _Pride is what got you in this mess in the first place._

He was getting pissed off at the little voice in his head, but for once he didn’t tune it out. He needed to respect her wishes and let her lead the way. That didn’t stop him from checking his phone every 5 minutes when he should have been writing emails. He needed to message the London firm that sent him to the Balkans and tell them that he didn’t complete his assignment and wouldn’t be going back. Hopefully attaching his notes and edited photos in the email would make him seem less unprofessional. Emre already knew that he was going to come back and take over at the agency, so he sent a quick email to Derren to update her and have her tell the employees that he would return starting Monday.

He was glad for the distraction of a few hours of work, but it still wasn’t enough. He wanted to call Umut for a late-night training session, but he decided to let the man sleep. What he _really_ wanted was to see her again. To touch her and make sure she was safe. He did the next best thing and opened his laptop to look at the pictures he took of her.

He remembered how she was shy and uncomfortable in front of his lens when she did the women’s campaign. How she warmed up to him and it became so natural for her. He clicked on the picture of her in the white dress under the tree in his backyard that was one of his favorites. The first picture he ever took of her, and she didn’t even know. She didn’t know how deep in it he was already at that point.

He opened the folder for the pictures he took of them on the bridge and the docks that beautiful day in the sunshine. Was it over a month ago already? It felt like yesterday and years ago at the same time. At first all he could think about was how she tried to tell him her secret but didn’t. That all of the smiles on her face in those photos were hiding something, and it infuriated him all over again. But then something turned when he looked at one photo in particular. She was looking out to sea and she had a strange expression on her face. He thought of how hard it must have been for her to keep that secret. How scared she must have been of his reaction to hold it in that long. How he reacted exactly how she feared he would.

Something needed to change. In him. He needed to be unpredictable, but in a good way.

So he kept his head down and did the hard work of self-improvement. He returned to the agency just as he said he would. He gave her time just like she asked. He got updates on her condition via Emre. He suspected Leyla fed his brother information knowing that it was for his benefit. He let her do it because he also suspected that she liked talking with Emre more frequently and it was mutually beneficial.

After a week of this and no new messages from her he decided that it was okay for him to send her a nice cheery message full of support that was not at all desperate or begging for her attention. _Right?_

**Sanem Hanim:**

_**I hope you are doing well and healing at home. I wasn’t sure if Leyla told you, but I am back at the agency full time. So, I’m here if you are willing to talk. I’m not going anywhere.** _

_**Can** _

24 hours of waiting on a response was pretty good for him considering how diminished his will power was when it came to her. That said, he truly was desperate and couldn’t wait any more.

**Sanem Hanim:**

_**I didn’t mean to put pressure on you to talk. I just really miss you but I understand if you don’t want to see me.** _

_**Can** _

Yep. Pretty pathetic. _Way to make it about you ,_ _asshole_.

**Sanem Hanim:**

_**I know you have been healing well because I get updates from Emre. I hope that isn’t overstepping, but I had to know. I care about you a lot. I want happiness for you. It’s what you deserve.** _

_**Can** _

Better but still a little overbearing. It was hard not to be. He had never loved anyone or anything the way he loved her.

His phone pinged.

_**I never said I didn’t want to see you. : )** _

_**Sanem** _

He couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off his face if he tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!
> 
> PS - HBD to Demet Hanim!


	12. We are the ones for now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe it's enough that I have laid here  
> Maybe it's enough that I have known inside my head, and  
> Maybe it's enough to know that we were here together”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get two chapters today because this one is kinda short and I am a few chapters ahead of the game writing-wise.
> 
> The song for this one is “For Now” by Kina Grannis. When I first heard it, I immediately thought of Sanem. She’s a dreamer, a stargazer, a writer, a romantic. I think it really captures her mood for this chapter.

-Her-

 

**Can Bey:**

_**I never said I didn’t want to see you. : )** _

_**Sanem** _

Why did she send that?! She meant it but still. And the emoji? She was so pathetic.

Pathetically in love with him.

Ping!

**_When?_ **

**_Can_ **

_Allah Allah_. He was eager.

**Can Bey:**

**_I don’t know. I can’t exactly get around by myself yet and you wouldn’t have a warm welcome if you came here. : /_ **

**Sanem**

It was best to be forthright about the situation.

Ping!

_**I just really want to talk to you, but I want to do it face to face.** _

_**Can** _

He didn’t specify but she knew what he meant. He wanted to talk about them. But he wanted to do it right. She wanted that too. She wanted to look in his eyes and _feel_ his words and not just hear them.

**Can Bey:**

**_I want that too._ **

**_Sanem_ **

Send.

Then:

**Can Bey:**

**_I miss you._ **

**_Sanem_ **

Send.

 _Idiot! Why do I keep doing this?_ She had zero impulse control when it came to him.

Ping!

_**I miss you so much. I loved holding your hand at the hospital, but it was only for an hour and that was over a week ago now so...essentially I am miserable. ; )** _

_**Can** _

He tried to use the emoji to soften his statement, but it still irritated her. She had gone three weeks with absolutely nothing from him so he knew nothing about misery.

But...he did say he missed her too. She decided to keep it light, at least until they could talk face to face.

**Can Bey:**

**_Could we just message each other for a while? Send selfies so we can see what the other is doing? I will let you know when I am able to get out of the house._ **

**_Sanem_ **

Hopefully that was good?

Ping!

 **_I’m stuck at work now but when I get_ ** **_home_ ** **_I will send you a picture. My selfie wouldn’t be cute_ ** **_rn_ ** **_because I don’t really want to be here_ ** **_. :_ ** **_P_ ** 

 **_Can_ ** 

What was with him and the emojis? It was kind of endearing how hard he was trying.

Ping!

_**Send me a pic? Seeing your pretty face will cheer me up.** _

_**Can** _

Okay, wow. That’s more like the old Can, but she wasn’t ready for it. He was bold, she could be bold.

She snapped a selfie and pressed send.

She had no make-up on and was still stuck on the sofa in the sitting room so she didn’t have the best lighting. It wasn’t the best she’s ever looked by a long shot, but she was trying to get more comfortable with accepting herself as she was.

Ping!

_**You look happy and comfortable, I hope you are. And so so beautiful, you always are.** _

_**Can** _

Why did he have to be like this? She bit her lip to keep from smiling.

**Can Bey:**

_**I’m going to rest now so don’t think I’m ignoring you. Text me later?** _

_**Sanem** _

Ping!

_**Of course. Sweet dreams.** _

_**Can** _

They would be. She let herself smile big as she shut her eyes, her phone clutched to her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	13. It all comes down to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well if you live in my heart   
> You're the vision in my soul   
> Now I feel so alone   
> Like I’m losing control   
> But here's to you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "All Comes Down" by Kodaline is the song for this section. I like how it starts off simple and solemn, then it builds in complexity and becomes happy and hopeful.

-Him-

It started out slow and a little awkward, but they began texting every day, just telling each other the inane things they were doing. He got medical updates from her now, but he still let Leyla and Emre be his messengers because he could see it made them happy to talk to each other. She got her wrist brace off a few days ago and she would have her ankle boot off soon too. She said that she moved back to her own room because she could move around much better now. 

Was it really almost April? On one hand the time seemed to fly, he was keeping himself busy until late at the agency almost every night. But on the other hand, time seemed to slow to a crawl. He still hadn’t seen her since their brief encounter at the hospital, and that was weeks ago. She sent him selfies every day, and he had hundreds of pictures of her on his laptop, but it wasn’t enough. 

He was trying to be a better man, a more patient man. He had good intentions, he really did. But he was also dying a little inside. 

Two nights  ago  she actually called him. It was pretty late at night for her so she must have waited until her family was asleep to talk to him. He was so shocked to see her name on the screen while the phone was ringing (not just a ping) that he didn’t answer it for a second. Her voice was soft and shy and it was nearly his undoing. He was actually thankful to be stuck in the office that night, because if he was in his bedroom when she called his thoughts would have wandered even further down an inappropriate path than they already had. 

He didn’t dare call her, no matter how much he wanted to. He didn’t want to call at an inconvenient time or when her family would hear, so best to let her initiate. 

But the next night she texted that she couldn’t call. Her parents were still awake, bickering in their room down the hall. 

Now it was after 10pm and she hadn’t called, or texted to say she couldn’t. She hadn’t messaged him very much today either. 

He was pacing back and forth from his en suite bathroom to his desk in his room. He felt like a lion, caged for far too long. 

Ping!

**_ Hey. Sorry I haven’t sent you my selfie for the day. Mom took me to the doctor to get my boot off and it took forever. I missed you today.  _ ** **_ Iyi _ ** **__ ** **_ geceler _ ** **_. _ **

**_ Sanem _ **

He loved her, and her message was sweet, but that just wasn’t  gonna  cut it. 

The old impulsive, impatient Can took over. He threw a jacket on and grabbed his car keys.

He loved driving his big fancy truck, but it was really difficult to go incognito anywhere, especially her neighborhood where the streets were small and everyone knew everything. He had to park nearly a kilometer away just to be sure no one would see and report back to her family. The hard part was going undetected on her street. Thankfully it was unseasonably cold tonight so there weren’t many people out. 

He waited until the coast was clear to sneak around the corner where he knew her bedroom was. He grabbed a handful of pebbles from the road and started pelting her window with them. He chose the window to the side of the house, the one he saw her climb out of so many months ago, just to be safe. 

He had been out there for over a minute, throwing rocks harder and harder to the point that he thought he might break the window, before she finally stuck her pretty little head out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	14. I love you more than that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “when you go quiet  
> and won't let your guard down  
> i hear through the silence  
> that you're tryin' to figure it out  
> you're tryin' to make me proud  
> believe me now  
> baby to the moon, and back  
> i still love you more than that”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s song is “Moon and Back” by Alice Kristiansen.

-Her-

“CAN?! Ne yapiyorsun?!” 

He flashed her a brilliant smile. It reminded her so much of the daydream she had so many months ago, except now it wasn’t summer, or the morning. It was nearly the middle of the night and it was freezing. 

“I came to see you.”  

 _Would he quit smiling like that?!_ It was super distracting. 

“Get in before someone sees you!” his gorgeousness couldn’t distract her from the threat of neighborhood gossip. 

“You gonna help me out here?” he held his arms out, palms up in question. 

“Bir saniye.” she popped back inside to figure something out. When she climbed down this very same window over the Summer she had used her sheets tied end to end to make a rope like she was in some old-time action movie. It would have to do. 

She threw down her sheet-rope after she secured it to the sturdiest post of her bed. 

“Really?” he had a very skeptical look on his face. 

She shook her head at him and turned her palm up like:  _What else am I supposed to do?_  

He shrugged and pulled on the rope to test it. It was a good thing she was sitting on the bed to weigh it down, because even as it was the whole bed moved and thudded against the wall when he started climbing in earnest. She sucked air through her teeth in a hiss of concern. She just hoped her parents didn’t hear anything. It’s not like she could really do anything to help him. Besides, he was  _more_  than capable. When she peeked out of her window to see that he was almost to the top she also saw the muscles in his arms straining against the seams of his jacket.  

 _Yep, he still has that effect on me._ She pulled back and took a second to shut her eyes and collect herself.  

She heard an annoyed grunt and whipped her head around to look. She saw the crown of his head pop through the window but then he stopped. 

“Can?” what was the problem? 

“Move the bed so I can get in.” he said through gritted teeth. Was he just holding himself up on the window sill?  

“Oh!” she moved as quickly as she could with a tender wrist and ankle. 

She helped him squeeze through the window. Between the bed frame being in the way and the width of his shoulders, she was surprised he made it. 

They both stood up straight once he was through, just breathing hard, staring at each other.  

He was really there, standing in her room. They’d only been alone in her room once before very briefly when he was scouting a location for their “Erkençi Kuş” commercial. He was already a big man, but for some reason he seemed huge in her small bedroom.  

“You know Osman and Baba would kill you if they saw you, don’t you?” why was she so breathless? 

“It’d be worth it.” his smile was absolutely sinful.  

As was the rest of him. He had been hitting the gym hard recently and even though he was wearing a sweater and a jacket she could  _tell_ . And the way he shimmied up her makeshift rope to get into her room?  _Allah_ _Allah_ _._  

“Um, do you want to sit with me?” she gestured to her daybed. 

“Yeah, let me help.” he righted the bed and pulled her sheet-rope up and shut the window. 

She sat down and watched him untie and fold up the sheets for her. She’d never seen him do anything so domestic like that (besides cooking) and it just really struck her for some reason.  _It’s funny how much we don’t know about each other._  

He set the linens on her desk and sat down next to her. Why was she so nervous? It was just Can. But she had only seen him for an hour in a total of 6 weeks, and most of that time she just watched him sleep. 

Their knees were brushing and it sent sparks shooting through her whole body. 

“Can I touch you? Um, I mean, can I hold your hand?” he was nervous too. 

She turned a little and put both hands in his open palms. “Yes.” she smiled. 

He was gripping tight and rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles. Somehow she could feel how much he was restraining himself from touching her more than that. He was trying to be on his best behavior.  

She smiled up at him in amusement. He looked like a puppy dog anticipating a treat. The thought made her giggle and smile wider. 

“Hi.” she didn’t know what else to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	15. Give me a minute to hold my girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I've been waiting for you   
> To come around and tell me the truth   
> 'Bout everything that you're going through   
> My girl you've got nothing to lose”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra. Every time I listen to it, it puts the biggest smile on my face. Toward the end of the chapter I listened to “I’m Happy Today” which is a beautiful instrumental song by Mark Isham and it is from one of my favorite movies, “Life As A House.”

-Him-

He was using what little was left of his willpower to keep from touching her face. She gave him both of her hands to hold, but he didn’t know if that was helping or hurting his endeavor. 

“Hi.” she was trying to start the conversation.

_ Well, are you  _ _ gonna _ _  help her out? _

“Hi.” he squeezed her hands. “I missed seeing your face today.”

“Oh.” she sounded surprised, or abashed.

“This is better.” seeing her, touching her.

“Yes, it is.” she was still smiling at him.  _ That’s a good sign, right? _

“Can we talk? Or is it too late?” he mentally kicked himself. “Sorry, do you need to sleep?” he moved  as if  to get up.

“No!” she pulled back on his hands to make him stay where he was. “I mean, yes. We can talk. Just, quietly.”

Having her pull him back down next to her bolstered his confidence. He could do this. He could open his heart to her. She wanted him here.

“ Tamam .” he turned so he could look straight in her eyes. He took a moment just to look at her face and take a breath. “I’m sorry.”

He dove in head first. He spent enough time without her to know that he didn’t want to spend one more second of his life waiting. It was still her choice if she wanted to accept him. She had every right to reject him and move on, but he hoped if he tried hard enough, bared his soul, that she would return to him. 

He told her that he acted impulsively and let his anger lead him astray. That his anger was selfish. He hadn’t spared a minute to think of how she might feel. He told her he understood why she did what she did because he would do anything to help her, to protect her. He admitted that he reacted exactly the way she feared and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

He apologized for throwing Polen in her face like he had. He never had any intention to reunite with her and he only agreed to her job offer because he wanted to run away. 

She was very stoic up until that point. It was either hearing him talk about his ex-girlfriend or the running away that finally made her cry. He wanted to wipe her tears away, but she was clutching his hands like a lifeline, so he squeezed them in return and continued.

He promised,  _ swore _ , that he would never leave like that again. She probably didn’t believe him and he really  didn‘ t blame her. He told her that as long as he  lived  he wouldn’t forgive himself for not being there for her.

Lastly, he assured her that her scent wasn’t the only thing that was special about her.  Yes  it was what drew him to her, how he recognized her, but it wasn’t why he fell in love with her. 

She looked up at him after he said that. Like she was shocked to hear the word “love” in regard to his feelings for her. 

The look on her face sent a spike of pain right through his heart. He had made her doubt. He vowed to himself right then and there to spend the rest of his life making sure she knew how much he loved her. 

“I never once stopped loving you,  Sanem .” he couldn’t stop himself and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I was just an idiot for a while.”

He had tried to lighten the mood with that last line, but it didn’t work. This conversation, this moment was too important, too  _ sacred _ , for anything to break it. They looked in each other’s  eyes  and saw all the truths left unsaid.

She broke their gaze to wrap her arms around his neck and pull herself into him. Her “I missed you” was muffled in his jacket collar. But he knew what she meant. She missed him after he left. She missed him while they were in the same city but separated by circumstances. She missed talking to him and touching him. He knew all this because it was how he felt too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	16. I keep falling in love with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wise men say only fools rush in, oh   
> But I can't help falling in love with you   
> Shall I stay   
> Would it be a sin   
> If I can't help falling in love with you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I brought out the big guns for this chapter: “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Ingrid Michaelson. This was my wedding song (albeit the Elvis version) and every single time I hear it gives me all the feels. It’s simple, it’s monumental, it’s pure, it’s so them.

-Her-

She could feel his heart beat against her chest and she thought that might be the best feeling in the whole world. His arms were wrapped around her and his beard was catching in her hair. It was perfect.

She only let go of him so she could get more comfortable on her daybed. 

“I know it’s late, but would you stay with me? Just a little longer?” she was being impudent but she didn’t have it in herself to care.

“Yes. Anything for you.” the corner of his mouth curved into a smirk and then a full smile. 

She shoved the pillow she slept with into the corner of the bedframe for him to lean against and then told him to do just that. He looked a little stunned at her bossiness and brazenness but he also looked like he liked it. She got up to retrieve her comforter from her wardrobe and turn off the lights. She turned around to see that he had done as she asked. His whole right side was jammed up against the metalwork of the back of her daybed, his legs were spread, his left foot on the floor. She had him just where she wanted him.

She sat down between his legs and unfurled her blanket. He must have known right where she was going to sit, but he still seemed a little apprehensive when she covered them with her blanket and curled up to lay on his chest. 

She propped her chin on his chest to look at him. “I just wanted to be comfortable. I like feeling your heartbeat.”

The look of shock on his face was quickly replaced with a look of hunger. 

“I don’t mind.” he was breathless.

She smirked knowingly at him then lay down. She had her left hand under her head by her ear and her right hand over his heart. 

“Will you tell me about work? I miss everyone at the agency.” she was considering visiting when she was fully recovered.

“Really? Alright.” he sounded surprised, but like he didn’t mind. He wrapped his arms around her.

He spoke in a low quiet voice that both soothed and exhilarated her. She closed her eyes to listen. She opened her eyes some time later when she realized she couldn’t hear him. 

She looked up to see that he had fallen asleep. He looked so peaceful, she didn’t have the heart to wake him. She laid her head back on his chest and shut her eyes.

“I love you.” she whispered in the dark.

There she was doing reckless and stupid things again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	17. It’s real love, it’s real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All my little plans and schemes   
> Lost like some forgotten dreams   
> Seems that all I really was doing   
> Was waiting for you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Real Love” by Tom Odell (Original by John Lennon) is the song for this chapter.

-Him-

The best sleep he’d had in at least a month was currently being disrupted. Someone was tapping his shoulder.

_ Ugh. What? _

He peeled his eyes open and they met with a pair of bright blue ones. 

_ Shit! _

Leyla quickly put a slender finger to her mouth in a gesture of silence. She pointed to the window and mouthed the words  _ you need to leave _ .

_ Did she learn that look from  _ _ Mevkibe _ _? _

He was definitely unnerved. He lay perfectly still as she crept backward out of the room. She watched him with one perfect eyebrow raised until she quietly shut the bedroom door behind her. 

He hated leaving her, but her sister had just given him a chance to escape with his life so he should probably take it. 

“ Sanem .” he whispered and shook her a little to wake her.

“Hmmm?” her sleepy hum was affecting him in ways that were untoward.

“Okay, I need to get up.” he nearly knocked her to the ground in his haste to sit up.

She gasped awake. “Can?”

He hopped for a second and freed his right leg from behind her. “Sorry. Leyla saw us.”

“WHAT?!”

“ Shhhh . She told me to leave. I think she’ll cover for us but I have to hurry.”

“ Tamam .” she got right down to business tying the sheets back together to make the rope.

He tied a secure knot around her bedpost and threw the rope down the open window.

“Be careful.” she looked worried. And small, and adorably sleep rumpled.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be easier than it was coming up.” he smiled at her then kissed her forehead in farewell.

It actually wasn’t easier. It was daylight so he could see better, but he had to keep looking over his shoulder the whole time to make sure none of her neighbors saw. He looked up when his feet hit the ground to see her blow him a kiss and pull her sheets back up. He smiled wide and caught the kiss and planted it over his heart like an absolute dork. 

That air kiss fueled his run to his truck. His cheeks hurt from smiling. He thought about how she hugged him and asked him to stay the night before. How she was confident when she told him how she wanted to snuggle on her bed. How, even though he had a rude awakening, he woke up with her in his arms. He told her he loved her, that he never stopped. She didn’t say it back, but she didn’t need words to tell him. He knew by her actions and the smile on her face that she still loved him. He could wait for the right moment to hear her say it out loud. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	18. When I'm lost I feel so very found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There are those who think that I'm strange   
> They would box me up, and tell me to change   
> But you hold me close and softly say   
> That you wouldn't have me any other way”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Anchor” by Mindy Gledhill is the song for today. It’s so dreamy that I thought it was fitting for Sanem, but the lyrics really apply to her and Can.

-Her-

When she woke up the sun was shining brightly through her windows. She refused to stay in the house today. She could finally walk around by herself, albeit slowly, and she couldn’t be cooped up even one more hour. She got ready quickly, just the front of her hair pinned back and minimal makeup. She grabbed her baby pink coat and stuffed some tinted lip balm in her bag before heading downstairs.

She did actually sit down to eat with her mother. It was a habit formed in the last few weeks, but she found that she enjoyed spending the time. A few bites in, she told her mother that she was going to spend the day at the library in the  mahalle  to write and maybe read a little. 

After breakfast  Mevkibe  walked her to the library on her way to the Head office. She kissed her mom goodbye and went in to find a comfortable spot to write. She pulled a pink notebook and her feather pen and inkwell out of her bag. A swipe of lip balm and the removal of her coat made the settling in complete. 

She was rereading what she wrote before bed last night when she heard her phone ping.

**_ What is the prettiest girl in Istanbul up to today? _ **

**_ Can _ **

He had been texting her things like that a lot recently but it still gave her butterflies every time. 

** Can  ** ** Bey ** ** : **

**_ I’m not sure what she’s doing, but I am doing some writing in the  _ ** **_ mahalle _ ** **_  library today. ; )  _ **

**_ Sanem _ **

She loved to tease him.

**_ Oh sorry, I meant the most beautiful WOMAN in Istanbul. I’m thankful that you answered anyway.  _ **

**_ Can _ **

More butterflies _. He’s such a dork. _

** Can  ** ** Bey ** ** : **

**_ What are you up to Mr. Inquisitive? _ **

**_ Sanem _ **

Ping!

**_ Here at the agency. We got 3 new campaigns just today. I’d rather be with you. : ( _ **

**_ Can _ **

** Can  ** ** Bey ** ** : **

**_ We will have to make a plan to meet somewhere soon. You probably can’t risk coming here again. Leyla read me the riot act after last time. _ **

**_ Sanem _ **

Ping!

**_ I’m sorry. No one else saw though? And she didn’t tell anyone, right? _ **

**_ Can _ **

_ Why is he pushing his luck? _  It wouldn’t be him if he didn’t.

** Can  ** ** Bey ** ** : **

**_ She didn’t. I think she’s coming around, but it’s only been four days. _ **

**_ Sanem _ **

Ping!

**_ Has it been four days? It felt longer. Allah  _ ** **_ Allah _ ** **_ , I need to see you. _ **

**_ Can _ **

** Can  ** ** Bey ** ** : **

**_ We will soon I promise. I miss you too. _ **

**_ Sanem _ **

Ping!

**_ G _ ** **_ örüşürüz ; ) _ **

**_ Can _ **

Hmm. That was abrupt. And the emoji?  _ He’s up to something. _

Her suspicions were soon forgotten as she got lost in the world inside her head. 

She only noticed how late it was when she heard a strange noise and looked up to see the sun low in the sky.

_ I just need to finish this paragraph, then home for dinner. _

Hands grabbed her from behind and pinned her to her chair. She was too frightened to scream, she just sucked in a small breath and held it.

“There you are.” a soft, deep voice whispered in her ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments! I love hearing your theories.


	19. I got a hunger in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m on fire like a thousand suns   
> I couldn’t put it out even if I wanted to   
> These flames tonight   
> Look into my eyes and say you want me, too   
> Like I want you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for today is “Hunger” by Ross Copperman.
> 
> So...this chapter is going to be more like pg-13+. I just wanted to put a warning since this work isn't rated. I plan to continue in that sort of direction. Can & Demet play sexual tension moments so well, but I'm using the written word and can't be as subtle sometimes. Plus maybe I don't want to be as subtle as EK is...
> 
> Let me know what you think.

-Him-

_ Four days. _

Four days since he saw her, touched her. Spending the night with her in his arms was all he could ever wish for. But now he was hooked. He was greedy and needed more. She was his addiction, and he thought he had been handling his withdrawals alright, until she said that she missed him too. That broke his resolve.

He was going to see her  ** today,  ** and he didn’t care what it took.

Unfortunately, he was being pulled in about sixteen different directions at work and it was making it impossible to think of a clever plan. As it was, he couldn’t even leave until nearly quitting time. He slipped away an hour before everyone else was set to leave and ran down the stairs to the parking garage. He had never peeled out of there faster.

Hopefully he could still catch her at the library. If he couldn’t, he wasn’t sure what he would do. He was feeling particularly devil-may-care today, so he might just stroll right in her house and steal her away from her parents. 

He parked about a block away and cautiously approached the library. He could see through the windows that she was the only one in the building, so he felt comfortable enough to let his guard down. He wanted to surprise her. He loved sneaking up on her, catching her unaware. She made these little squeaking noises and her breath came fast.  _ Allah  _ _ Allah _ . His mind wandered down a dark path.

She was sitting at a table in between two tall bookshelves. He could tell she was absorbed in her own little world. He smirked.  _ I’ve got you now. _

“There you are.” he hoped he sounded sexy.

She didn’t squeak or breathe heavily and he was a little disappointed.  _ Oh shit, she’s actually scared.  _ She wasn’t breathing  _ at all _ .

He stood her up out of her chair and whirled her around to face him. “ Sanem ! It’s me.”

“I know.” she tried to sound nonchalant, but the way the air stuttered out of her lungs gave her away.

“It’s alright.” he hugged her tight, her arms trapped between their chests. He could feel her breathing calm.

After a minute she pushed away just enough to look at him. “You can’t be here, someone will see!”

“Gel!” he whisper-yelled and  pulled her by the hand .  She took a few seconds to don her coat and gather her things.

He took them around the corner and halfway down a block to an unused alcove. 

“Can! What are we doing?” she was breathless again, but in a good way.

He had her boxed in against an old door , his large palms pressed against it on either side of her head. He towered over her.

“I’m kidnapping you.” he was teasing her, but he also half meant it. He wanted to.

“You can’t!” she whispered in amused outrage. “It’s nearly dinner time, and my parents...”

“Just for a few minutes then.” he gave her a quick smile, then the atmosphere turned serious. 

“I needed to see you, touch you.” he ran his fingers through the fly away hairs by her face and angled his head so that his nose brushed hers.

“Me too. I mean, I wanted to see you too.” she was getting flustered. She didn’t know what to do with her hands so she put them on his chest. 

Her touch burned him in a delicious way. All of his inhibitions floated away on the breeze. 

“Can I kiss you?” he was desperate.

Her quiet gasp was nearly his undoing. Then she whispered, “Yes.”

It started chaste enough, just their closed lips pressed tightly to the other’s. But then she made a small noise in the back of her throat and he lost his tightly held control. He closed what little gap was between them and pressed her fully against the door. He thought she would gasp in shock or offense, but she just fisted her little hands in his jacket and angled her head to deepen the kiss. 

They had never kissed like this, even when they were officially together. He had a vague notion that he should probably rectify that situation and ask if she wanted to be his girlfriend again, but her tongue brushed against his and all thought left him. 

His hands couldn’t find a home, they travelled all around her. They pressed against the door behind her, then cupped her face, then tangled in her hair, then moved down her arms to her waist. When his fingers brushed her hips under her coat, she arched her back into him. He knew she could  _ feel  _ what she was doing to him, but he didn’t care.

He blocked out everything but her. Her sounds, how she felt against him. 

He didn’t hear several sets of footsteps coming down the alleyway. He didn’t feel them approach their alcove.

“You! Get away from her!”     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts down in the comments!


	20. Who decides the rules for lovers like you and I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “With, without   
> We trust, we doubt   
> To find, to lose   
> We hurt, we bruise   
> The hand, the heart   
> An end, a start”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose “The Rules for Lovers” by Richard Walters for this chapter because I like how it builds in intensity. 
> 
> I think my favorite thing about fanfic is I can put in all my favorite tropes and no one can fault me for it. What are some of your favorite tropes?

-Her- 

“You! Get away from her!”

She’d never heard Osman’s voice sound like that before.

She had enough time to recognize who had found them and what his intentions were, but not enough to react physically. She was frozen there wedged between Can and the old door, her eyes open wide and her mouth open in shock. There was a moment, almost in slow motion, that his eyes met hers before the chaos erupted.

He, unlike her, reacted physically. He turned to face his adversary, instinctually shielding her with his body. She knew Osman would never hurt her, but  _ he  _ was a different story. And if Osman hit Can, she knew he would have no problem defending himself. 

“Stop!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, hoping to prevent the oncoming onslaught. She was trying to get out, get between them, but Can would not let her out of his protective cage. Things were happening in slow motion, but her mind was racing.  

“Osman don’t!” he was within swinging distance now and she panicked.

_ Thank Allah he listened _ . He stopped inches in front of Can and stared at him menacingly. They were nearly evenly matched in size, but she knew Can had fight skills that Osman didn’t possess. Still, if they fought it would get ugly. She needed to diffuse the situation.

 “Osman, it’s okay. I  _ want _  him here.” she touched Can’s shoulder, claiming him.

“That doesn’t mean he  _ should _  be here.” Osman hadn’t moved or stopped staring the other man down.

Can stood his ground. Testosterone was a powerful drug. 

“You should leave before  Nihat Bey  finds out that you’ve been here.”  _ in the neighborhood, touching his daughter. _  She could read the thoughts in Osman’s face _. _

She had been vaguely aware that a few other men from the neighborhood had followed behind Osman. They were there to back him up, or just to watch the drama go down. It was then she noticed the jackal Ishan standing at the back of the pack looking quite pleased with himself. He must have spotted them and gone running to tell, knowing that a confrontation would happen. He never let an opportunity to shame her family pass him by. She would be having words with him. 

“I’ll leave if that’s what  _ she _  wants.” her thoughts were interrupted by Can’s words.

“Can.” she brushed her hands along his back to soften him. He let her step out from behind him. 

“I don’t want you to go, but it’s probably for the best.” she held his hand and looked just at him. 

He didn’t break eye contact with Osman. “If you’re sure you’ll be alright here,  _ my love _ .” then he finally turned to look at her.

He was publicly claiming her just as she had when she said she wanted him there. She could only nod.

He squeezed her hand in farewell and slowly let go of her fingers as he stepped away to walk down the alley. He gave Osman a challenging look before turning his back and heading toward his truck.

She gulped, then sighed in relief. She knew the relief would only be temporary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts down in the comments!


	21. But inside my heart there’s a picture of a girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'll taste the devil's tears   
> Drink from his soul, but I'll never give up you   
> I'll taste the devil's tears   
> Drink from his soul, but I'll never give up you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter is “The Devil’s Tears” by Angus & Julia Stone.

-Him-

He sat in his car for a few minutes willing his pulse to slow to normal. Logically he knew there was no danger. Osman was like her brother and he was just protecting her. But he had been taken by surprise and cornered by several men, so he couldn’t help having a physical reaction. A male of the species protecting his mate. It was biology, instinct.

He was still a little pissed off that he had been driven out of her  mahalle , even though he fully anticipated it. He used biology as his excuse for that too, testosterone you know?

He wasn’t afraid of Osman or the other people in her neighborhood, but he was afraid of not being able to see her again. She didn’t have her job anymore as an excuse to leave the house. It was entirely possible for her father to forbid her to leave the neighborhood, at least unaccompanied. He didn’t have many people from her inner circle on his side. Emre was with him, but he wasn’t that close to her.  CeyCey  would have his back, but what influence could he have over her family members?

He started the engine and pulled out onto the street. He did some of his best thinking while driving, besides, he didn’t want to risk being mobbed by her neighbors. 

The only thing he could do was keep in contact with her. He needed to apologize for putting her in that situation in the first place. He never meant to  embarrass  her. Hopefully she forgave him.

It was just, he missed her so much. He’d never been that kind of person, who craved the attention of others. He still wasn’t to be honest, but with her it was different. Before he met her, he would go months without seeing any friends or loved ones. He had always been a physically affectionate person, but again, with her it was different. He  _ needed _  to touch her.

His plan was just to see her and talk to her a little, maybe hold her hand and hug her. But when he saw her in the library, how the setting sun made her hair look like mahogany and her skin like gold, all his plans flew out the window. When he had her alone in the alcove, he was close enough to smell the berry scent of her lip balm. It made her lips look even more alluring than they were normally, which was a lot. Which was why his control slipped and he kissed her. He couldn’t bring himself to regret it though. 

He decided to stop at the gym to blow off some steam, put the adrenaline rush to good use. It worked to release his tension and energy from the confrontation, but his sexual frustration still lingered. It was ever present really. He had gotten used to it in the months since he met her, but it had gotten more difficult for him since he returned from the Balkans. Maybe because he didn’t get to see her and touch her everyday like before when she worked at the agency. Maybe it was the  _ forbidden _  aspect of their rekindled romance. Maybe it had been over a year since he’d had sex with anyone and the love of his life was heartbreakingly beautiful at all times. Needless to say, he drove home to shower in peace.

When he was feeling more clearheaded and comfortable in his sleep sweats, he decided to text her.

** Sanem ** **** ** Hanim ** ** : **

**_ I’m sorry that I shamed you in the  _ ** **_ mahalle _ ** **_  today. You will probably have to endure some strict discipline because of my actions. I beg your forgiveness for causing you distress, but not for kissing you like that.  _ ** ** That ** **_  I would do again in an instant. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. _ **

**_ Can _ **

He  was done going slow and being subtle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	22. I think I’ve found all I can wish for, and then some

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I will love you, I will love you   
> Until the blood all leaves these veins   
> Don’t you let us, don’t you let us   
> Lose to an early grave   
> Give me a lifetime   
> And then fifty more to find the words   
> That will never explain   
> How I need you, how I see you   
> How you are everything that I have”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double post today because I am several chapters ahead in writing and these are transition type chapters.   
> The song is “I Will Love You” by Gin Wigmore.

-Her-

Osman escorted her home, but didn’t come inside to tattle to her parents. He told her she should tell them herself before they heard it from the grapevine. He was being harsh but fair. She knew that, but she didn’t like it.

She walked to the kitchen as if it was her own execution. It might as well be.

She parked herself in a chair across from her mother who was chopping vegetables for dinner. One look and  Mevkibe  knew something had happened. 

“ Sanem ,  çocuk? What happened ?”

“I want to tell you and Baba before you hear it from our neighbors.” she was serious and resolute about this.

“ Tamam , baby. Your father will be home soon.”  Mevkibe  looked concerned, but continued cutting tomatoes and cucumbers, occasionally glancing up at her daughter who sat across from her like a statue.

As soon as Nihat walked in to sit for dinner he sensed the tension in the room and sat down at the head of the table between his wife and daughter.

She started at the beginning, telling them that Can had been texting her since he visited her in the hospital. That she knew he had romantic intentions right away, but took her time to decide her future. She told them that she loved him and couldn’t be apart from him any longer, and he felt the same. That their impatience led to them being caught together in the  mahalle . She blushed when she told her parents that he had kissed her, and that’s why Osman came to her defense. 

She could see her father turning red, his eyes becoming bluer with emotion. Her mother just hung her head and listened stoically.

“Thank you for coming to us with the truth right away,  kizim .” her father surprised her with his reaction. He was solemn but soft.

“I’m sorry for shaming us Baba.” she didn’t know why she started crying, but she couldn’t stop it.

“One impertinent decision can ruin a reputation forever. But...” Nihat paused, “it doesn’t make you a bad person. The neighborhood will talk, it's what they do. You aren’t the first person to be caught out with their beloved, and you won’t be the last. Their opinions are their own. Your family are the ones who know you, know your intentions and virtues. You could never shame us.”

She was truly shocked. Her father was a wise man and she loved him, but he was very set in his ways. For him to tell her this, to be this open with her, was very meaningful.

“Baba...I... I love you.” she got up from her seat to hug him tightly around the neck while he patted her arms affectionately.

Her mother was weeping next to him, but smiling at them just the same.

“Sit down again,  kizim . Your mother and I have some things to say about this.” by this she knew he meant her relationship.

They told her how they had always respected Can Bey, that he was a good man. But when he left her, they saw how destroyed she was. They wanted what was best for her, they wanted her to be happy, and they didn’t think Can would make her happy. Her family wanted to protect her, even from herself. But they knew her feelings were too strong. They knew that he was it for her and to get in the way of that was foolish. Her father told her that they would always be there for her, but that if Can broke her heart again he would answer to him personally. Her mother told her that what happened in the alleyway today could never happen again, and that they would be visiting Can Bey to inquire as to his exact intentions. 

She wasn’t forbidden from seeing him, but he had to do the honorable thing and court her out in the open. In the future he was to pick her up, tell them his plans, and have her home safe and sound by 10pm sharp. If they disobeyed the new rules or dishonored their wishes, all of her privileges would be taken away. She was being treated like a teenager, but she supposed it was because she had acted like one. 

Leyla walked in the kitchen toward the end of their lecture. A look passed between the sisters that said,  _ we’ll talk later _  and  _ maybe I’m afraid to know. _

She didn’t get a chance to check her phone until she was tucked in bed. She had one unread message from him. 

**_ I’m sorry that I shamed you in the  _ ** **_ mahalle _ ** **_  today. You will probably have to endure some strict discipline because of my actions. I beg your forgiveness for causing you distress, but not for kissing you like that.  _ ** ** That ** **_  I would do again in an instant. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. _ **

**_ Can _ **

_ Why is he like this?  _ She had been a little indignant toward him, if only in her head, after the fiasco today. But now she had butterflies again. She had tried to put all thoughts of the kiss to the back of her mind while she was dealing with the fallout, but here he was reminding her again.  _ Focus Aydin, change the subject. _

** Can Bey: **

**_ I will call you tomorrow to tell you what happened, but just know that my parents know and they were surprisingly chill, for them. _ **

**_ Sanem _ **

Ping!

**_ So, I can see you again? I haven’t been banished from Verona? _ **

**_ Can (your Romeo) _ **

He thought he was so cute.

** Can Bey: **

**_ No more climbing my balcony, but yes. You’re going to have to go to Capulet Bey himself and ask permission to take me out. If you don’t follow the new rules Capulet  _ ** **_ Hanim _ ** **_  with chase after you with her slipper. _ **

**_ Sanem _ ** **_  (your fair Juliet) _ **

Ping!

**_ “Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow.”  _ **

**_ Romeo _ **

_ Dork _ . She smiled anyway. Two can play this game.

** Can Bey: **

**_ “You kiss by the book” _ **

**_ Juliet _ **

That would give him something to think about.

Ping!

**_“Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!_**    
 ** _Give me my sin again.”_**

**_ Romeo Bey _ **

She shook her head. She knew he was going to do that.

** Can Bey: **

**_ You know that line comes before mine, right? Even though you are cherry picking lines I’ll still let you kiss me again. _ **

**_ Sanem _ **

Ping!

**_ I bow down to your superior Shakespeare knowledge, and foreswear to kiss you again soon. Goodnight fair  _ ** **_ Sanem _ ** **_. _ **

**_ Can _ **

_ I’m in love with a very romantic idiot. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	23. No one's gonna love you more than I do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And anything to make you smile   
> It is a better side of you to admire   
> But they should never take so long   
> Just to be over there, then back to another one”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is “No One’s Gonna Love You” by Band of Horses (the Stockholm version). I also listened to “Opus 20” by Dustin O’Halloran while I wrote most of this. It is a gorgeous piece of piano music and he is one of my favorite musician/composers. Definitely listen to it.

-Him-

To say he was shocked when her parents invited themselves over for dinner, without her, would be an understatement.  Mevkibe  brought  köfte  and made tea in his kitchen and they sat down to have a talk. He was totally unnerved and on his best behavior. Nihat told him what he told  Sanem  the night before. New rules, high expectations, and a question about his intentions.

“Nihat Bey, I” he swallowed nervously but carried on. “I love her.” looking her father in the eye while saying those words was one of the scariest things he’d ever done.

“And?” what else? What will you do for her? How will you prove it to us?

“And I will never stop loving her. I never want to part from her.” though terrifying, it felt good to tell them.

“Where we are from there is a way of doing things. I understand that you are different, but  Sanem  is still subject to the expectations of our community.” 

Nihat was heavily implying marriage, but he didn’t want to rush. He made that mistake once before.

“Nihat Bey, with all due respect, I want it to be her choice. I don’t want her to feel like she’s obligated because of other’s opinions.”

Mevkibe  smiled and patted his hand, “It pleases me to hear you say that,  çocuk.”

He  passed the  test. 

After they left, he breathed a sigh of relief. This was really the best outcome he could have hoped for. They were allowing him back in her life. They wanted him as part of their family.

He couldn’t help but think how this was the first time in their relationship that there were no secrets. She wasn’t hiding anything from him, they weren’t hiding from her parents, he wasn’t hiding from his feelings. They had some strict rules to follow and harsh consequences if they didn’t, but even so he felt freer than he had in a long time. He couldn’t wait to start this new phase of their lives.

The next  evening  he knocked on her front door and was greeted by her mother. He asked if he could take her to a nearby park to watch a film they were showing. It was April and they had just started up their outdoor family movie nights again. To emphasize the wholesomeness of the event he brought  CeyCey  and Ayhan along to back him up. He was eager to court her publicly, but in all honesty her father still scared him a little bit. Best to be prudent.

Their interactions continued like that through April and into May. They would text and call, he took her out most days, even if it was just for a walk by the shore or to get tea. It was nice actually, getting to know each other again. They told each other everything, childhood stories, hopes and dreams, fears and insecurities. It was funny, he knew he loved her almost from the start, but he didn’t truly know her until now. 

He was glad they had this time, that they didn’t rush things. But he would be lying if he said he didn’t miss whisking her away for the night and having her sister or friends cover for them. His hands itched to touch her, more than just the hugs and handholds they had been allowed. His mouth watered when he thought of kissing her properly, not just the quick pecks they snuck when no one was watching. 

The third week in May he decided to throw a party in his back garden for all of  Fikir  Harika. He knew she wanted to visit everyone again, but had been too embarrassed to come to the agency. She hadn’t gotten a new job or come back to work for him like he expected. She decided to write her novel. It wasn’t the Galapagos, but ever since her accident she decided not to waste any more time. She was doing something for her and he was immensely proud.

He may or may not have had ulterior motives while planning the party. It was going to be a weekend afternoon affair. He didn’t want to keep anyone from their evening plans of course, so it would wrap up around 5pm. He invited her to the party of course, but didn’t tell her or her parents about  _ his _  evening plans. He didn’t think she would mind.

There was only one little thing that nagged at the back of his mind:

She hadn’t told him she loved him since before her accident. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	24. And he kissed me till the morning light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are my sweetest downfall   
> I loved you first, I loved you first   
> Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads   
> But they're just old light, they're just old light   
> Your hair was long when we first met”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter (for me) and it deals with some mature themes. One theme in particular...
> 
> The song is "Samson" by Regina Spektor. I like that it’s about a legendary couple (Samson & Delilah) because Sanem loves mythology. It somehow just fits the mood of this chapter.

-Her-

She hadn’t told him she loved him since before her accident. Not while he could hear it anyway.

There wasn’t a particular reason why. At  first  she wanted to take things slow, she was guarding her heart. Now they were in a much better place than they had ever been. She felt like she  _ showed _  him how she loved him, she felt like he  _ knew _ . So, she just hadn’t said it since that night he spent in her room.

Now it had become a  _ thing _ . She was nervous about saying it. It meant so much more now than it did before, and she hadn’t thought that could be possible.

He’d invited her to the agency party at his house this afternoon. She knew he told her parents that it would probably go well into the evening, but Leyla said the employees were told it would end around 5pm. Leyla didn’t mention anything to their parents, probably because she wanted some unsupervised time for herself, to do  _ something _ . She didn’t know what her sister’s plans were, but she had a pretty good idea of what  _ he _  was up to. 

A few months  ago  the thought of being intimate with a man would have been very intimidating for her, but now she was confident. She knew he was the one, and she was happy that she would share new experiences with only him. 

That said, she did feel a little nervous, and took care in getting ready for the party. She chose a floral sundress with spaghetti straps that showed off her décolletage and tanned legs. She smirked to herself just thinking of what his face would look like. She enjoyed teasing him, just a little.

Osman dropped her and her sister off at the  Divit  residence with a wave and a promise to pick them up when they called. He had been briefed on her relationship development and the new rules that entailed. He seemed okay with it, except that the new rules also extended to Leyla, for the sake of sibling fairness.

The party was fun. She truly missed everyone from the agency. She saw  CeyCey  all the time, but having everyone together was actually really nice.  Derren  and  Guiliz  tried to convince her to come back to work, and she said she would consider it after she finished writing her novel. As the party wound down, she made sure to make it seem like she was leaving soon too. She knew all too well how the gossip worked in the office. She didn’t want anyone catching wind of her staying at Can’s house after-hours.

After she saw Leyla on the phone, presumably calling Osman for a ride, she decided to make herself scarce and use the restroom in Can’s room. When she was washing her hands, she saw the reflection of the clothes dryer in the mirror and memories came flooding back to her. It gave her an idea. She would just have to make sure Emre wasn’t home.

When she emerged she found the house  empty.  She went through rooms searching for him, but also making certain everyone was gone. She had plans to put in motion.

She found the  Divit  brothers lounging outside by the pool with drinks in their hands. She approached shyly. Emre knew about their relationship, but he also presumably knew about the strict guidelines they were to follow. And it was pretty obvious they weren’t going to follow them tonight. It was a weird feeling having someone know what you and your boyfriend might do at night, unsupervised.

When Can saw her approach he immediately got up and said goodbye to  Emre.  It wasn’t clear if Emre was staying or going so she would have to put her plans on hold until she was sure he was gone.

It seemed Can was a little irritated with him as well. They got comfortable on the couch and he let her choose a film to watch, but he wasn’t paying any attention, he just looked over his shoulder every five minutes to see if Emre was still there. He was sitting outside on the patio furniture, either playing a game or furiously texting on his phone. Eventually she gave up and became engrossed in the movie and the feeling of laying on  Can’ s chest with his arm around her.

When the credits rolled ,  she looked up to see Can had nodded off. She smiled to herself thinking of how he always fell asleep around her. She knew it wasn’t because he was bored of her, but because he felt so comfortable.  _ Does he sleep at all when he’s alone?  _

As she tried to get up without disturbing him, she noticed that Emre was no longer outside. She paused right where she was in the middle of the living room and scanned her eyes all around. Could this really be working out in her favor? Were they truly alone? A devious smile played on her face.

She tiptoed to Can’s room, triple checking for any other human beings along the way. They were in the clear. They still had a few hours until she had to be home.  _ Perfect. _

As soon as she entered the  room  she saw what she was searching for draped across the back of his desk chair. She stripped down to just her panties and laid her clothes over the back of the chair that she had just taken his shirt from. The black t shirt still smelled like him, he must have worn it this morning. It was huge on her, but that was kind of the point. She knew he had a thing for her wearing his clothes, but it didn’t hurt to test her theory.

She padded back down the hall to find him. He was still asleep on the coach. It was to be a rude awakening then.  _ I don’t think he’ll mind. _ __

“Can?” she stood in front of him and shook him by the shoulders. “Can, it’s hot. Let’s go swimming.”

For some reason the word  _ hot _  seemed to wake him more than his own name had. 

“ Wha \- what?” he was sleep disoriented and  ** very **  distracted by her legs.

“I’m jumping in the pool. It’s hot.” she walked away in the sexiest way she could manage. 

It really was hot for a May evening, and a swim would be very refreshing. These were  her  perfectly reasonable rationalizations. She must have succeeded at being sexy because he got right up and followed her outside without saying a word. He looked like a puppy, big eyes and his mouth hanging open. 

Before she could burst into a fit of giggles and ruin the atmosphere she walked straight down the steps of the pool and waded in. She dove under the water, and when she  surfaced  she saw him standing by the far end of the pool. He had a look in his eyes that she had only seen a few times. Pure unadulterated lust, and a determination that almost frightened her. But she wasn’t scared. When he ripped the shirt over his head ,  she felt a thrill shoot up her spine. He walked down the steps of the pool in just his shorts, maintaining intense eye contact the entire time.

She was rooted to the spot. It seemed her plan to seduce him backfired. She was captivated by him, like a moth to flame. Her plans and all her thoughts left her head when his hands touched her waist and pulled her in to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	25. I just want you to be mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If it's me  
> And if it's you  
> And if our love is wrong  
> Then I don't ever wanna be right  
> I don't ever wanna be right  
> If it's real  
> And if it's true  
> And if our love is wrong  
> Then I don't ever wanna be right  
> I don't ever wanna be right”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose “If Our Love is Wrong” by Calum Scott for this chapter because it’s super sexy AND has meaningful lyrics. I also listened to “Main Title” by Aaron Zigman from The Notebook soundtrack on repeat, especially while writing the second half of the chapter, because we know they have the hots for each other, but they also really love each other and I wanted their steamy scenes to be meaningful too.

-Him-

“What are you doing?” he already knew she was trying to kill him, he just wanted to hear it from her mouth. 

“Um, swimming? I didn’t want to get my clothes wet.” she was so demure. He knew better.

“Right.” he smiled devilishly. “Do you mind if I join you?” he already had, but he was testing a  hypothesis .

“N-no. Go ahead.” she was breathing heavily and her eyes kept flicking between his lips and his chest.

He turned the tables on her. She was just a s a ffected by him as he was by her. Her small, soft breasts were pressed against his chest and he could feel her nipples pebbled under the wet shirt. He pushed her to arms-length by her waist, mostly so he could look at her, but also because he was getting hard and he needed to maintain some dignity. They were in the middle of the pool so the water came up to the underside of her breasts. Her shirt was soaked and he could see the outline of her. He simultaneously cursed and thanked her for not choosing  one of his  white t shirt s . 

She let him stare at her. She was confident, and she wanted this. It made her even sexier than she normally was. 

“If you don’t want to swim maybe I should just leave...” she moved from his grasp to go around him. She was playing coy.

_ Oh no you don’t.  _ He grabbed her wrists in both his hands. 

“You aren’t going anywhere.” he tried to sound playful, but he also meant it. She started this and she was going to finish it.

She gasped as he pulled her roughly to him.  _ Do you like being manhandled? _

He kissed her hard. He didn’t ask permission this time. The sounds she was making were confirmation enough for him that she was enjoying herself. His grip on her wrists loosened and she brushed her hands up his chest to wind themselves around his neck. _  Allah  _ _ Allah _ . He loved how small she was. He could easil y bend down in the water to match her height, but he secretly loved that she had to reach and pull herself up to get to his mouth. The neck strain was worth it.

She could definitely feel how aroused he was now, but it didn’t seem to bother her. He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and pulled her with him to the deep end, not breaking their kiss. It was a good thing she liked him manhandling her (in a loving way of course) because he was addicted to touching her. Her narrow waist, her delicate wrists and small hands, her gorgeous shoulders and graceful neck. He was a man possessed. He had her pinned against the tiles near the end of the pool where he could still touch the bottom but she couldn’t. She had no choice but to hold on to him.

“Can.” she breathed his name as he devoured her neck, just under the corner of her jaw. Her skin was already turning pink there from where his beard rubbed her raw.

He could feel her growing desperate. Her heart was racing and her hands grasped for purchase anywhere she could reach, her nails scraping him occasionally. That only made him wilder.

She gasped particularly loud after he bit her earlobe lightly. “Please, Can.”

He instinctively knew she didn’t want him to stop, at least not completely. “Yes, baby?”

“Can we go inside? I’m getting cold.”

He wasn’t sure if she was really cold or if that was an excuse.  _ He _  certainly wasn’t cold. 

“Of course,  my love .” anything for his girl.

He made sure her arms were secure around his neck and picked her up by her waist with his left arm and grabbed her thigh with his right. She got the hint and wrapped her legs around him and let him walk them out of the water.

He headed straight for the bedroom, not caring that he left the patio door open and a trail of water all over the floor. He was never so thankful his house didn’t have stairs. It took what concentration he had left to make sure he didn’t drop her or knock into anything. She had debilitated him.

“Do you need a towel, baby?” he was in his room now but needed to know if she was really cold or if he could toss her on his bed.

“No. Just you.” 

_ I knew I picked you for a reason. _

She squealed as he flung her onto his bed. She was still wet and pool water was soaking his sheets but he couldn’t care less. He bent over her, his knees between her thighs on the mattress and his forearms braced on either side of her head. The way she looked at him with wonder and devotion melted him. He cracked a huge smile. This was one of the best moments of his whole life.  _ She _  was his whole life now, and she wanted this with him. 

“Can?” she didn’t look concerned, but he heard it in her voice.

His smile faded. “Yes, my love?”

She put his hands on his beard and looked straight into his eyes. “I love you. So much. I never stopped. I wanted you to know that.”

He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have words. His huge smile returned, as did hers. Their teeth clinked each other’s a little bit when they tried to kiss, but they didn’t care. He loved it when she held his face like that. It made him feel so wanted.

He explored her mouth with his own for a while before moving back down to her neck. It was his favorite spot because normally he could smell her intoxicating scent, but now she mostly just smelled like chlorine. It was no matter. He had a feeling he would be discovering new favorite spots in just a short while. 

All the while he was  _ exploring _ , she was humming and writhing under him. Her hands had travelled from his beard to the back of his head and into his hair. She had loosened his bun and let his hair out. She had never touched him like this before and it was driving him insane. She made him feel  untamed .

His caveman tendencies must have been a turn on for her because she started moaning as his hands slid up her ribcage. The ends of his hair tickled her arm as his head moved south toward her chest. His shirt was still plastered to her and he could see how hard her nipples were. He needed to see more, he needed to touch her. He found the end of his shirt and slid his hand underneath, all along her skin from hip to armpit. He searched her eyes for confirmation that this was okay. When he saw black pools of lust, he knew he could continue. 

She helped him get the shirt off, and when she flopped back down her breasts jiggled a little from the movement. He was gob smacked. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was soft and proportionate, with dark nipples that were begging him to touch. He must have been staring for longer than he thought because she started to get self-conscious and moved to cover herself.

“No!” he pinned her wrists down so she couldn’t hide from him. “I mean, you’re beautiful. Don’t be embarrassed.”

Her “okay” was breathy and her eyelids fluttered as she stared at his mouth. Did she want him  to..?

He didn’t wait for her to ask. He made sure to rub her skin with his beard on the way down to her sensitive peaks. She loved that. She loved his mouth on her breasts more. He had never heard her make that sound before and her right hand fisted in his hair. It encouraged him to move  _ his _  right hand from her wrist so he could touch her breast while he lavished the other one with attention.

As he travelled from one breast to the other and up her neck and over to her ear, he could tell she wanted more.  _ He _  wanted more. Her legs had spread further apart, and now her feet were planted flat on the mattress so she could more easily roll her hips into him. His hands must have known where her legs were before his head did, because he realized he was gripping the inside of her knee to pull her into him. Before he could apologize and back off a little, she kissed him hard. 

_ You like that, baby? _

She moaned in his mouth as an answer to his unspoken question.

He took that as permission to slide his hand up her leg to her ass. You know that stupid saying: He hated to see her go, but he loved watching her leave? Yeah, that was very true. He had been staring at her ass almost every day for nearly an entire year and he’d never touched it. He was so glad he didn’t have to wait anymore. 

It was his turn to moan when his fingers brushed the lacy edge of her boy short panties. His shirt was so long on her that he hadn’t seen what she was wearing underneath. That was okay, he much preferred to be surprised. She lifted her foot off the bed and wrapped her leg around the back of his thigh so his hand had better access. God, he loved her. 

He broke the kiss to search her eyes for permission to delve underneath the hem of her panties, when he heard a noise. Not one of her sweet, sexy, pleasurable noises. It was footsteps.  

_ Fuck! _

By the look on her face she heard it too. They stayed frozen on the bed, glued to each other out of fear of being caught. He hadn’t shut his bedroom door earlier in his haste to get her in his bed, and he cursed himself for it now.

Thankfully the footsteps seemed to have faded in the direction of the living room, but then he heard voices. It was Emre for sure, and what sounded like a female voice.  _ Who would he bring over here? _

She was listening intently too, probably waiting to know when it was safe to move and hide herself. When her eyes went wide and her face paled, he knew exactly who’s voice she recognized.

_ Leyla? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had heard other people say that sex scenes were really technical and I TOTALLY understand now.   
> FYI I changed the rating of this story. ; )  
> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	26. I never meant to fall for you but I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are the avalanche  
> One world away  
> My make believing  
> While I'm wide awake  
> Just a trick of light  
> To bring me back around again  
> Those wild eyes  
> A psychedelic silhouette”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting this from my phone so please forgive any formatting errors.
> 
> The song is "Salvation" by Gabrielle Aplin

Her-

  
_Fuck!_

  
She never swore, not even in her head, but this was bad.

  
 _Why is Leyla even here?_ She assumed she would be with Osman.

  
“I think they are in the sitting room. We should dress while we can.” he whispered.

  
She could tell Can was just as worried about being caught as she was. She didn’t think anything less would get him to suggest more clothing. Or he just didn‘t want Emre to get an eye-full should he barge in.

  
“Tamam.” she felt the loss of his warm chest acutely, and covered herself with her arms until she could sit up.

  
He threw on a random t shirt, scraped his hair back in a messy bun, then helped her zip her dress up. They were dressed, but now what? She could still hear Emre and Leyla in the house. In fact their voices grew louder. They hadn’t moved closer, but were arguing loudly. Maybe if they snuck out the front door they wouldn’t notice?

  
Can must have had the same thought because he grabbed her hand and motioned for her to stay quiet. They tiptoed to the front door where she grabbed her shoes and bag. He closed the door silently behind him and dug his keys out from his wet shorts pocket.

  
“Why didn’t you change pants?” she knitted her brows in confusion as they climbed in his truck.

  
“I wasn’t really thinking straight, otherwise I would have.” his smirk was sinful.

  
“Will they hear us leave? Is that suspicious?” she was still concerned.

  
“Maybe, but at least they didn’t catch us doing anything.”

  
“That’s true.” she was embarrassed all of a sudden and blushed profusely.

  
He caught on to her shift in mood. “Are you alright, sevgilim?”

  
“Yes.” the term of endearment made her blush more.

  
They were near her neighborhood when he spoke again.

  
“Sanem, bir tanem?” he wanted her to look at him.

  
“Evet?” she obliged.

  
He put a warm hand on her knee but kept his eyes on the road. "I just want you to know that I am very happy with anything you give me. And you gave me a beautiful gift tonight. I will cherish it.”

  
She knew he was making sure she was at ease about their physical relationship. “I love you, Can.”

  
She picked up the hand on her knee and held it in both of hers. She smiled at him and when he turned from looking at the road his smile brightened too. _I’m okay. I liked it. I want this with you_.

  
Their conversation in the car had distracted her from the event that precipitated their hasty departure. She sat in her room, freshly showered and in comfortable pajamas, thinking about Leyla. Can had dropped her off before her 10pm curfew, but it was now past that time and her sister still wasn’t home. She couldn’t hear her parents arguing or yelling, so did they even know she was gone? She would of course cover for Leyla any way she could, but she was growing anxious.

  
She texted her sister and Can, just in case she was still at the Divit house and he could give an update. He messaged back saying she wasn’t there, and neither was Emre.

  
 _I hope they are alright_.

  
Then she heard the front door slam shut. She ran out of her room to see that it was indeed Leyla, no Emre, but she looked like she had been crying. Mevkibe and Nihat were seemed shocked that their eldest daughter had been the one to break curfew and they had questions. Where was Osman? How do you explain yourselves? What happened? Were you crying?

  
Leyla dodged every question, just stormed up the stairs and locked herself in her room. Her mother and father looked at her for answers but she was just as surprised as them. Her sister had never done anything like this before and none of them knew what to do. All three thought it best to leave her alone for the night, but she would definitely be hearing an earful in the morning, they both would. Her irritation at possibly getting stricter guidelines was dulled by her concern for her sister.

  
She stayed up a while listening for crying or a phone call from Leyla’s room, but heard nothing. She texted Can goodnight and tucked herself in bed.

  
Memories and feelings from earlier in the night came flooding back to her as she closed her eyes to sleep. She had never experienced anything like that in her life. She’d felt fleeting glimpses of pleasure with him before, but nothing like that. She couldn’t even contemplate what it would be like to give herself to him fully. What they had done this evening was just a taste. That thought alarmed and exhilarated her. How would she survive when the time came?

  
She naively thought tonight would be the night. It was a good thing it didn’t work out actually. Now that she thought about it, she kind of wanted it to be a bit more special. Not to mention she hadn’t given a single thought to using protection. She just assumed he might have something, but she sprung herself on him, and neither of them had the presence of mind to have that conversion in the middle of making out. She vowed to herself to be more mature and practical. She would have to bring it up with him, no matter how uncomfortable it made her. Besides, if she thought her parents would be mad about a broken curfew, then an unplanned pregnancy would send them through the roof.

  
As nervous as she was to have that conversation with him, she was more excited to try again. He was going to make it good for her, she just knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	27. And I will love with urgency But not with haste.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your eyes, they tie me down so hard.  
> I'll never learn to put up a guard.  
> So keep my love, my candle bright.  
> Learn me hard oh, learn me right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am slowly figuring out my technical difficulties and have jotted down tons of ideas, so I hope to be back on track writing several chapters ahead and posting every day. With that said, please excuse any formatting issues.
> 
> The song today is “Not With Haste” by Mumford & Sons

-Him-

He’d always considered himself a patient man. Until he met Sanem that is. Now he counted every minute between when he could see her or hear her voice. If he thought it was difficult before, it was worse now that she was essentially under house arrest. He was only being a little dramatic referring to it as that. When Nihat and Mevkibe found out that Leyla broke curfew and wasn’t with her fiancé but with Emre Divit, well, shit hit the fan.

  
She called him crying the night after the _incident_ to say that he wasn’t allowed to come to the neighborhood to pick her up anymore. Her parents hadn’t forbidden their relationship, but she wasn’t permitted to go to his house for any reason and she had to be accompanied by a friend if she was going to meet up with him. And no Leyla didn’t count as a _friend_ , and yes all of these rules applied to her as well. The Aydins didn’t want their daughters to cover for each other while meeting up with the Divit brothers.

  
He calmed her over the phone and promised they would get through this. He loved her and he wouldn’t give up. She sniffled and laughed at the same time when he said she was worth it for him. She said she was angry at her sister but felt bad for her at the same time. Leyla had sabotaged her engagement and her sister’s relationship in one fell swoop. Osman was heartbroken, Ayhan was threatening bodily harm, the mahalle was in an uproar, and in the middle of it all Emre and Leyla were still miserable.

  
He had a talk with his little brother that night about why his girlfriend called him crying. Emre already knew everything, whether from CeyCey, the office gossip tree, or Leyla herself he didn’t know. Usually it was the level headed Emre that gave him advice, but he knew it was his turn this time.

  
“Abi, what were you thinking?” he wasn’t accusatory, just concerned.

  
“I don’t know. I _wasn’t_ thinking. Thinking didn’t get me anywhere for months. She was going to get married and I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Emre had his hands in his hair, holding his head up with his elbows on his knees to brace himself.

  
“I understand, but why did you do it like that? Why bring her here and break the Aydin's rules?” Emre was usually more calculated than that.

  
“I didn’t plan it, Abi. After she left the party she started texting me. I know I shouldn’t have let it go on, but she asked to meet and I couldn’t say no.” he could definitely empathize with his brother on the “can’t say no” front.

  
“And then..?”

  
“Then we met at the park near their neighborhood. But she really wanted me to pick her up and take her somewhere. She just didn’t want anyone from the mahalle to see.”

  
After a nod and gesture from Can, Emre continued.

  
“We argued on the way over here. I told her it wasn’t fair that she wanted me at her beck and call even though she was still engaged, which was a really stupid thing to say, but she needed to hear it. The next thing I knew we were in the driveway and I had to escape somehow. Of course she followed me in the house, because of course she was going to defend herself.” Emre was talking with his hands which meant he was very impassioned.

  
“Neither of you are _that_ person. You’re both so logical most of the time. It must be love if you’re driving each other crazy.” he said it in a joking tone, but the message was serious.

  
“I do love her, Abi. I told her so. I didn’t want to lose her.” Emre's sincerity showed on his face.

  
“Learning from my mistakes, eh?” another serious joke.

  
“Now I messed everything up. I didn’t even take her home, but everyone knows she was with me. I’m torn between feeling elated that she broke up with Osman and the guilt that I ruined her life. And put your relationship in jeopardy.” He gestured to his brother when he spoke the last sentence.

  
“Abi, look. Sanem and I will be fine. I really think Leyla will be fine too. She didn’t want to marry him, tamam? Let the dust settle, but don’t give up. There was a reason she couldn’t let go of you, so don’t let go of her.” he patted Emre on the shoulder, and when he felt his little brother give way, he pulled him in for a hug.

  
It was a lot easier to say these things as an outside observer. Unfortunately he had learned the hard way so he was able to guide Emre through his troubles.

  
It had been a few weeks since trouble struck, and he’d only seen her a handful of times. This “let the dust settle” thing was way harder said than done, and Emre was way better at being patient than he was. He guessed it was a little different because he and Sanem were an actual couple. A couple who held hands, and cuddled, and kissed, and… He really needed to see her again. Touch her.

  
He had a plan to fix that. If he could pull it off, then he and Sanem would get plenty of time together without interruption. But if he couldn’t, then _he_ would be the one in the hot seat with the Aydins. He was just rash enough to go go through with it and say to hell with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	28. The whole world a blur But you are standing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The Wind  
> An outdoor smell of your hair  
> I breathe as hard as I can  
> with my nose”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Hoppípolla” by Sigur Rós is the song for this chapter. I’ve loved this song for a long time but never know the lyrics because they are in Icelandic I think??? Anyway, I used a translated version for my title and summary so I hope they are accurate.
> 
> I love how it starts slow but you know something magical and romantic is going to happen. Then it just builds into this joyous celebratory song.

-Her-

She was walking arm in arm with CeyCey down the street and she could already smell the fresh pasties at the café the were heading to. It was a bright Friday morning in June and her friend invited her for some tea, coffee for him, and simit. She pulled a little on his arm to get him to walk faster because she was starving.

  
“You think you’re eager now, just wait.” CeyCey had a strange look on his face as he said that, but she brushed it off as him being excited for warm bread.

  
They entered the small corner shop and stood in line gazing at all the delicious carbohydrates they had to choose from. She was about to hit CeyCey on the arm to show him the rainbow array of macrons when two strong hands grabbed her arms and pulled her against a solid chest.

  
“What shall I get for you, bebek?” Can whispered low in her ear.

  
She was too shocked to answer him. Her mouth hung open as CeyCey moved ahead to order as if nothing happened. _Is he in on it?_

  
Can spun her around and asked again. “Did you want simit and tea? Or a croissant and hot chocolate? I’ll get you whatever you want, sevgilim.”

  
“No, yes, I mean… I would like simit. Why are you here?” she poked a finger in his chest.

  
“Wow. Good morning? Nice to see you too? I missed you?”

  
“Sorry. Evet.” She felt bad for approximately a second before investigating further. “What are you up to?”

  
“Evet, Abi, we will have two simit and two teas, to go please.” he tipped his chin up so his whole face was above her head and ordered their breakfast to avoid answering her questions.

  
“To go, huh?”

  
“Evet.” his lips curled into a smile.

  
CeyCey had also ordered to go and when he got his food gave a salute to Can, who made a motion back, before heading out the shop door.

  
“Oh I see. I was set up.” she was pleased.

  
“Sal.” Can thanked the employee and grabbed their breakfast before leading her out with a hand at the small of her back.

  
“Am I being kidnapped?” her eyes slanted in a sly way when she questioned him.

  
“I don’t know. Does it feel like that?” he had a cheeky look on his face.

  
“No, but it does feel a little forbidden, secretive maybe.”

  
“Well, yes. It would have to be secretive. We don’t want your parents to know that you are going to Agva alone with me for the weekend.” he looked really pleased with himself as he opened his passenger side door for her to climb in.

  
“Really?! Can! How did you do it?”she buckled up and grabbed the food from him so he could get in.

  
“I had Ayhan tell Osman and your mom that she was taking you to Agva for a relaxing girl’s weekend to celebrate you finishing your book. Really you will be with me and she will get a free weekend with CeyCey at his new place. CeyCey of course agreed to lure you here as thanks to me.”

  
“So, no one else knows where we are going?”

  
“Nope. Not even Emre.” he pulled the truck out of the parking space and sped down the road toward their destination.

  
Can drove and Sanem fed him his simit while eating her own. They were about half way to Agva before she realized she didn’t have anything packed. She was wearing a pair of cropped skinny jeans, white sneakers, and a flowy floral top. The only other thing she had with her was her cross body bag which held her wallet, house keys, notebook and pen, and a few make up essentials.

  
“Can! Wait!” she said it so abruptly that he hit the breaks thinking something terrible happened.

  
“Sanem, iyisin?!” he accelerated again slowly so as to keep up with the flow of traffic and not get rear-ended.

  
“I’m fine Can, but I don’t have anything. No clothes or anything for our trip.”

  
“Oh.” he blew out a breath in relief. “Well if you look in the back you’ll see I got you something. I was going to wait to give it to you when we got there.”his voice trailed off at the end when he realized she was already reaching into the back seat to grab the wrapped rectangular box.

  
“Really? You didn’t have to Can.”she was so excited to open it.

  
“Well, I kind of did because I stole you away without a heads up.”his eyes darted between the road and her little hands furiously tearing open the wrapping paper.

  
“Can, I love it!”she kissed him on the cheek in thanks.

  
It was a black and coral one piece bathing suit with a zipper in the middle that would zip down to her navel if she pulled it all the way down. It was practical, colorful, modest enough, but a little bit sexy too. He knew her so well.

  
“I know you will want to go in the sea so I’m glad you like it. I can get you whatever else you want when we get there. There is a boutique at the hotel we are staying it.”

  
He said it so offhandedly, but it hit her suddenly that they would be alone, in a hotel, probably in one room with one bed. She was obviously excited, but she was also super nervous. She hadn’t mentally prepared for this. She still needed to have _the_ _talk_ with him too. There was no way she was going to procure condoms, her mom was always snooping in her stuff and she would be locked up in the house for the rest of her life if she found them. _Maybe there is a drug store near the hotel. I probably need a razor and some shampoo anyway…_

 _  
_Needless to say she spent the rest of the drive overthinking absolutely everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think down in the comments!


	29. Can I take ya, take ya higher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Gonna hold ya, gonna kiss ya in my arms  
> Gonna take ya away from harm  
> Gonna hold ya, gonna kiss ya in my arms  
> Gonna take ya away from harm”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Big Jet Plane” by Angus & Julia Stone is the song for this chapter. It’s a very Can song.

-Him-

  
He was standing in the middle of a women’s clothing boutique, which normally would be one of the last places on earth he wanted to be, but the love of his life was trying on dresses in the change room so he was fairly content.

  
After they arrived in Agva and checked into their hotel they went to the room to drop their things off and put their bathing suits on. Sanem had been oddly quiet after she received her gift in the car. He hoped it was excitement or contentedness, but when they walked into the king bed suite she acted shy and awkward. He’d seen her act this way before whenever he insinuated that they might sleep together, whether he literally meant sleep or not didn’t matter, her behavior was erratic either way.

  
He decided not to say anything yet, but to just let her enjoy the day and hope she would calm down and come back to herself.

  
They swam in the sea, and she was drop dead gorgeous in the suit he bought for her. He thought he was going to collapse when she came out of the bathroom in it. Luckily he had his black trunks and an oversized tank top on to hide his obvious reaction. He cursed himself for not thinking to get her a cover-up of some kind, but she wore one of his shirts, which in all honesty he preferred anyway. The caveman part of his brain liked that any other man who looked at her on the beach saw that she was wearing a man’s shirt. It screamed **_she’s taken, back off_** and he was all about that.

  
They ordered lunch to be brought out to their beach chairs. After she was done eating she lay out in the sun for a while and he could tell she was at peace again in her mind. Her eyes were closed so he took the opportunity to stare. He’d never felt this way about anyone or anything in his whole life. He had all these emotions that seemed contradictory, but at the same time made perfect sense. He wanted to kiss her hard and do sinful things to her, but at the same time he wanted to shelter her and hold her close like a kitten. He wanted to take her to all his favorite places in the world and explore with her like best friends, but he also wanted to build her a home in Istanbul and fill it with their children and never leave. He realized that they could do all of that. They found their way back to each other and they were never going to part again. They had time.

  
He would do anything for her and her happiness, which was why they were shopping for a dress for her to wear to dinner. She mentioned a high end restaurant she had read about and he didn’t hesitate to call and make reservations. He was still in his trunks and tank top standing outside the dressing room. She had already come out a few times to show him some dresses she liked. She thought she was going to pick one, but really he was going to buy all of the ones she liked.

  
“What do you think about this one, canim?” she came out wearing a pink chiffon thing and his brain stopped working for a second.

  
“Yes.” his eyes were glued to her bronzed shoulders and neckline and he physically couldn’t say more words than that.

  
“Okay.” she drew out the word and looked at him a little puzzled. “I’ll just put my suit back on and we can check out.”

  
“Tamam.” yep, still speechless.

  
When she came back out in his shirt he grabbed all the hangers from her before she could put back the other dresses. She gave him the puzzled look again.

  
“Do you like all of these?”

  
She nodded.

  
“Then I’m getting all of them.” he tossed them on the counter and gave the salesperson his credit card.

  
She smiled so big that her little dimple popped out. Best money he ever spent.

  
They walked across the lobby to the small hotel convenience store. She said she needed some toiletries. He assumed she didn’t want to use his deodorant or his toothbrush, so he got a basket and walked behind her, letting her fill it with whatever she wanted. She picked out a razor, some face wash, a pink toothbrush, some aloe vera for his red shoulders, and her favorite brand of deodorant. There was a moment where she hesitated before the entrance to an aisle, almost deciding whether to go down it or not. She didn’t, and they bought their things and left, but he couldn’t help but wonder what she needed in the feminine product aisle.

  
Something about her body language in that moment really stuck with him and he was thinking about it during their expensive, romantic dinner. They enjoyed their meal and their conversation. She seemed herself, so he just tucked the thought away for later.

  
The night was warm so they walked back to the hotel arm and arm. He loved showing her off in public. Not like she was his shiny, pretty object to be trotted out on special occasions. He just liked showing everyone who could see that the most beautiful, kind, clever woman in the world had chosen _him_. He didn’t think that feeling would ever fade.

  
She sat in a chair and peeled her strappy heels off the second they got in their hotel room. He bought them because she liked them and they made her legs look even more incredible than usual, but he knew she wasn’t the fondest of walking in them. He knelt down in front of her and took one of her feet in his hands. He didn’t mean for it to be anything other than a little soothing foot rub, but he could see her eyes dilate. She started doing that thing she does when she’s nervous or flustered. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable around him, especially when they were supposed to be enjoying their time together. He bit the bullet and brought it up.

  
“Was there something you needed, my love?” when she looked confused he clarified. “At the store earlier. I noticed you wanted to look at something but you hesitated.”

  
“Um, no?” he still had her foot held captive and she looked like an animal caught in a trap.

  
“No? Nothing in the _ladies_ aisle?” he considered himself a progressive man and feminine products didn’t freak him out but something stopped him from saying it explicitly out loud.

  
“What?”

  
Now she was definitely confused. He thought she may have needed pads or something but was too shy to say anything to him about it. That would also explain her awkwardness earlier in the car and when they checked into the room. Maybe she thought he would want sex, but was too shy to tell him she was on her period? He did in fact want sex, but only if she was comfortable. Just being alone with her away from everyone was good enough for him.

  
“Um, do you need uh, pads or anything?” now that it was out he rushed to say the rest. “Because I’ll get you whatever you need, I’m not ashamed or anything. And we don’t have to, you know, _do_ anything if you’re you know…” he was fully blushing now.

  
Her eyes were as wide as saucers and when he finally trailed off she started giggling. Her foot slipped out of his hands when she planted both feet on the floor. She had her elbows on her knees, hands over her face laughing so hard she was in tears.

  
“Sanem?” he’d always loved her crazy ways, but now she was just fully unhinged.

  
“Can, no.” she took a breath to stop her laughter. “I don’t need anything like that, but I love you for thinking of me, you are the sweetest man.” she touched his beard with both hands.

  
“But there was something that you wanted?” he was just trying to keep up.

  
“Um yes.” it was her turn to blush.

  
He was still kneeling in front of her but now her hands were back in her lap. He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows as if to say _go_ _on_.

  
She had her plump lower lip between her teeth like she was trying to hold in her words when suddenly she blurted it out.

  
“Condoms!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more romantic comedy that I usually do, so let me know what you thought down in the comments.


	30. My heart beats for you alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh I will, forever and always  
> Put you before me, to the end of time.  
> But until then, till my last breath rolls in  
> Oh I am yours and you are mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is “You Are Mine” by Spencer Combs feat. Holley Maher. I liked that it is a male/female duet, especially for this chapter, and the lyrics are so meaningful for them.

-Her-

  
“Condoms!”

  
She could not believe she just shouted _that_ word at him like that. She thought she would die of mortification. _I’m gonna die a virgin I guess._  

  
He slowly peeled her hands from where she hastily slapped them over her face. She was resisting. She didn’t want to look at him.

  
“Baby? Will you look at me?” his voice was soft and sexy. _Damn_ _him_.

  
She shook her head.

  
He was stronger than her so he took both of her hands in his and pulled them down to rest in her lap. She had no choice but to look at him. He was smiling like an idiot. Like he loved her.

  
“Don’t hide your beautiful face from me, sevgilim.” he brushed her hair out of her face.

  
“So, I just made a series of assumptions in my head, but I want to run it by you in case I’m wrong, tamam?” he was still smiling like an idiot.

  
She nodded and fought a smile.

  
“You wanted me to buy us condoms, so we could use them?”

  
She blushed harder but nodded.

  
He looked like he was trying to contain his joy but he was failing miserably. “So, you are ready? I mean, we don’t have to and I really don’t want you to feel pressured at all, but…”

  
Her lips slamming into his shut him up immediately. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore, she just wanted to do it. But she stupidly shut him up before they could figure out how to actually get the protection they needed to do the deed.

  
She abruptly pulled away from him. “Can?”

  
“I have some in my suitcase.” he said in a rush before diving back in to her mouth.

  
_How the hell did he know what I was going to ask? Wait. He had some already?_  

  
She pulled back from him again but this time he rose on his knees and followed her, maintaining the kiss. She was going to ask him about how and when he got what they needed, but he didn’t give her the chance. Now he had her pinned in the chair, he stood upright and had his hands on the arms of the chair boxing her in. His tongue begged entrance and she opened for him. She felt herself melt under him. He had this ability to get her to do anything he wanted. It was never malicious, and it was always ultimately her choice, but something about his confidence and physical strength combined with his kindness and gentleness, coerced her to do anything. He used her pliability to his advantage and pulled her up to stand with him.

  
He refused to break the kiss even though their height difference was large now with her in bare feet. She was on her tiptoes and balanced by putting her hands on his chest. She could feel his heart fluttering away. So maybe he was nervous too? Or excited. She was a little of both. He had one hand on the small of her back pressing her closer to him and the other one was tucked in her hair. She knew he loved her hair and she had purposely left it down in loose waves just for him.

  
She wanted to graduate from kissing to something a little more intense, but she didn’t know how. They had made out pretty intensely weeks ago in his bedroom and he had even seen her topless, but now she couldn’t remember how that happened nor how to recreate it.

  
Luckily Can didn’t have any confusion. His hand moved from her hair to push down a sleeve of her dress. The hand at her back moved to find the zipper.

  
“Is this okay?” he always wanted her to be comfortable.

  
“Yes.” _Please_ , _more_.

  
When the soft fabric of her dress brushed against her arms, over her breasts, and down her body, she was surprised to find she wasn’t nervous. She wanted him to look, to touch her. She had been craving it since the last time they were this intimate.

  
He cursed under his breath when he saw that she wasn’t wearing a bra, but she didn’t quite catch what he said. He kept his hands on her arms, but kissed her more hungrily than he had all night.

  
As handsome as he looked in his white tank and dark jacket, she wanted his bare chest on hers. She moved her hands from his pecs to his shoulders under the jacket. He got the hint and shrugged it off. She dragged her nails lightly down his abs and then tugged on the hem of his tank top. He quickly broke the kiss and whipped his shirt over his head, exposing a broad chest and slightly sun burnt shoulders. They must not have bothered him too much because when she wrapped her arms around his neck to reconnect their mouths he didn’t complain. In fact he moaned when her nipples brushed the dusting of hair on his chest.

  
She could tell he was becoming frustrated by their height difference and how it made kissing and touching more difficult. With a grunt he bent his knees and wrapped his arms around her waist to pick her up. Her legs wrapped themselves around him automatically. He walked them to the bed, but surprised her by sitting instead of laying her down. She settled in his lap, her shins against the mattress. She could feel how hard he was under her, so she used her position on top to experiment a little. Her face was above his now so she could watch his reaction as she ground her hips down into him. His lips parted from hers in a breathy moan and she could see his eyes roll back in his head even though they were shut. When she moved to do it a second time he stopped her with hands on her hips.

  
“If you do that again I might not survive.” he whispered into her mouth.

  
“Don’t die. I need you for a few things.” _Your hands all over me. Your hardness inside of me._

  
He did not miss the underlying meaning of her words. He groaned at her coy tone and grabbed her tight to flip them over.

  
“Is this one of them?” he boldly cupped her breast and flicked the nipple with his thumb.

  
She was still breathless from how fast he got her on her back under him, so all she could do was nod.

  
“And this?” he trailed kisses from her neck down to her other breast.

  
“ _Yes_.” It was almost pathetic how breathy she sounded.

  
“What about this?”his hand brushed the hem of her panties. He was asking permission.

  
She made a sound of approval at the back of her throat because she didn’t trust herself to speak. He understood and slowly slid the fingers of his right hand under the fabric. He braced himself over her with his knees and left forearm. He continued kissing anywhere he could reach on her chest and neck while his fingers continued their path south.

  
Although she was enjoying everything he was doing, her nerves rendered her still as she anticipated his touch in the warmest part of her. She closed her eyes and thought about how beautiful and capable his hands were under normal every day circumstances. She _knew_ those fingers would be just as capable of giving her pleasure, and feeling them slide over her skin and then her soft patch of hair was like a slow decent into madness. When she felt the pad of his middle finger touch her entrance she sucked in a breath.

  
“My love?” he pulled back to search her face for any signs of discomfort, but left his hand where it was.

  
“ _Please_.” She thought the anticipation would actually kill her.

  
He slowly pushed the digit in, watching her face the whole time. She had never felt anything like this before. To have someone else’s hands touch her most sensitive area, for those hands to be so big and belong to the man she loved with her whole being, it was almost too much. She thought it might hurt, but it didn’t. It felt so good that she cursed herself for not doing this with him sooner. They had a lot of time to make up for.

  
She must have been making noises because Can was breathing heavily into her neck and moaning back at her almost in pain.

  
“Oh God. Baby, you’re going to kill me.” the arm that was holding him over her was trembling, and she didn’t think it was from physical strain.

  
Maybe he _was_ in pain. He had to be rock hard under his jeans, and she hadn’t even thought to free him. She quickly remedied that by running her hand down his chest to the button fastening of his dark denim. He moaned again louder, but didn’t stop his ministrations on her. She got his pants open with little trouble, but had no way of taking them off, unless he would move which she _really_ didn’t want him to do. He had attached himself to her neck and alternated smelling, licking, and kissing. When her small hand found his boxer brief clad hardness he grunted and bit her right under the ear. She let out a small scream and her inner walls clenched hard around his finger.

  
It was a domino effect of reactions. She caressed him, his touch intensified, she made a noise or took a sharp breath, he rutted into her hand and groaned. She was chasing a feeling that she hadn’t felt before, but she knew was going to be incredible. As much as she didn’t want him to stop, she _did_ want to see and feel all of him. She brought her hand back up to cup his cheek and he understood.

  
“Can I take these off? I want to see you.” his face was flushed and his hair was pulling out of its bun.

  
“First can you take yours off?” she still felt a little shy even after how far they had gone.

  
He didn’t answer but pushed off of her to stand at the edge of the bed between her feet. He unfastened his hair and it fell in his eyes in a cascade of wavy brown when he bent his head to push down his pants. She licked her lips when she saw how tight his boxer briefs were on his thighs and the large bulge protruding from the front. Her mind was at odds with itself. On one hand she wanted to see him so badly and a thrill went down her spine at the thought of how _big_ he was. On the other hand, she had never seen a naked man in her life and she was a little scared that he was _so_ big that he would hurt her. She didn’t have time to think or say anything before he pulled his socks off and pushed his underwear down.

  
The casualness with which he took to being nude in front of her almost shocked her more than the actual sight of him. He was more beautiful than any painting or statue she had ever seen. His only flaw was the difference in skin tone between his bronzed chest and his pale buttocks. She tried not to stare at the part of him she was most curious about, but to take him in as a whole. She could see however that he was well proportioned, symmetrical, and large in every area of his body.

  
She must have failed at not staring because he called her name to get her attention and it didn’t sound like it was the first time he said it. She bit her bottom lip and looked up at his face from where she was leaned back on her elbows on the bed.

  
“Can I?” he wanted to look too.

  
She released her bottom lip and took a small breath before nodding at him.

  
First he leaned over her and put his hands on her waist, then dragged his hands down to the swell of her hips. He pulled the stretchy black lace down so slowly she thought he might be having difficulty. She told herself she was lifting her hips to help him get her panties off, when in reality the feeling of him touching her was so erotic she bucked her hips up into his hands. Either way it worked and she could feel the soft fabric brush down her legs and over her ankles. When he tossed her panties over his shoulder to most likely get lost somewhere in the hotel room, she thought she died and went to romance novel heaven.

  
“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” his eyes were black and his words were sincere.

  
She didn’t say anything back. She felt pinned down by his stare. Her eyes flitted all over him; his face, the muscles of his arms, the broadness of his shoulders and narrowness of his waist. She was nervous again, but not that it would hurt or that she would do it wrong. She suddenly felt the enormity of the moment. She was giving herself to him, and he was offering himself up to her. This was the first time they would share something this intimate, and _inşallah_ it wouldn’t be the last. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that she would remember this moment for the rest of her life.

  
“Sanem, my love, are you alright?” he was concerned about her silence.

  
She nodded quickly and tipped her head back to keep the tears that had welled up at bay.

  
“I’ll be right back, tamam?” he bent his head low to try to see her face better, then went over to his suitcase and dug out a small box.

  
He took one foil packet out and set it on the nightstand and put the box in the drawer below. He probably knew that just the sight of them increased her anxiety levels. Suddenly he outstretched his hand to offer her help up. She took his hand but knit her brows in confusion.

  
“Gel.” he pulled her up to stand with him at the side of the bed.

  
He moved her by the shoulders so that he was closer to the bed. He pulled back the comforter and sheets then gestured for her to crawl in. She did so and scooted to the middle to let him in. He covered them up then turned to hold her close. Feeling all of his skin pressed against all of her skin was foreign, but the feeling of him holding her tight and kissing her hair was familiar and comforting. It worked to calm her. He’d always been so good at reading her.

  
When her heart slowed to normal she tipped her head up to read his face. He smiled at her and brushed a hair off her forehead.

  
“It’s just you and me, tamam?” he was telling her there was nothing to fear, nothing to hide.

  
“I love you Can.” those words weren’t enough to convey all her feelings in the moment, but they would have to do.

  
He smiled his brilliant beautiful smile and kissed her lips. The heat from earlier returned and the nervousness drifted away. He maneuvered himself back over her, kissing her intensely the whole time. She instinctively tucked herself under him and opened her legs. He propped himself up so she could only feel his length brush up against her occasionally as he moved. It wasn’t enough. Her little hand wandered down to find it. His big hand stopped it.

  
“Wait.” he seemed afraid he would lose control.

  
He sat up on his knees and leaned over to get the foil packet. He had it opened and rolled on so fast she didn’t know how it happened. She would make him show her later. He bent back over her and resumed kissing her. It seemed contradictory, but wearing protection seemed to make Can more bold and free with his actions. His middle finger found her entrance again and pushed in. He devoured her neck and licked and kissed her nipples. She was so overwhelmed by sensations that all she could do was lay on the bed, arms and legs spread. She was completely under his spell.

  
His finger picked up speed, then she felt another finger join the first. She gasped at the tighter feeling, but then moaned in pleasure. She didn’t know what he was doing, but he seemed to know so she followed his lead. He let more of his body weight fall on her and she gasped again. The pressure of his chest on hers and the feeling of being surrounded by him intensified the feeling of what he was doing with his hands.

  
She felt the sudden loss of his right hand and whimpered a little. Then the heaviness of his length touched her inner thigh and she knew it what he was going to do. He didn’t say anything, but looked at her to gauge a reaction. She didn’t say anything either, but conveyed to him that she was ready. When he saw what he was looking for he sealed his mouth over hers and lined himself up with her center. She realized later that he was probably trying to distract her from the foreign feeling of being intruded, by pouring all his love for her into his kiss. It worked and she was only mildly uncomfortable. He went excruciatingly slow and only about half way in before pulling back. He was getting her used to him, and she appreciated it, but she also wanted more.

  
“ _More_.” the word came out of its own accord.

  
An almost painful sounding grunt came out of him and his hips bucked suddenly as he was pushing back in. She gasped in pleasure and that must have been enough to break his resolve. He was still slow and gentle, but moved in deeper with each thrust, reattaching himself to her neck while he did so. She expected pain, a sharp pop or a dull ache, but neither happened. The feeling just grew more and more pleasurable and her nervous tension grew into a different kind of tension. She was on the precipice of something that she couldn’t describe and didn’t know how to jump from.

  
She registered that there were sounds coming out of her, but she didn’t recognize them and couldn’t control them. He too was making sounds she had never heard before. If her sounds turned him on as much as his did her, then he must be at his breaking point too.

  
“Please?” she had no idea what she was asking for, but she knew she needed it.

  
He must have known because after he made a whimper noise at the back of his throat he picked up his pace and brought his right hand back down to her core. He found the bundle of nerves right above where they were joined and when he touched it, it was her turn to buck her hips.

  
He set off a chain reaction in both of them. Every time he touched her there she moaned louder and arched into him. Every time she did, he thrust into her harder and faster, until they reached a fever pitch. She knew he was holding on until she reached her bliss, but it was becoming apparent that he was struggling. He took his hand away from her center to brace both of his forearms on the bed on either side of her. His hair fell around them like a curtain and she was locked into him. All she could see, hear, feel was him. It was so much, too much. She felt herself slip off the cliff, but she wasn’t afraid because she knew he would be there to catch her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my longest and most difficult chapter yet. I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think down in the comments.
> 
> FYI I did change the rating on the fic once again for this chapter. We’ve officially hit the top tier.


	31. I belong to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Take care of me  
> Talk all day then at night fall in deep  
> Stimulate me  
> I want you mental and physically  
> I belong to you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is a super sexy duet/remix by Sabrina Claudio feat. 6LACK called “Belong to You.” I discovered it while watching a fan edit and loved that it was essentially a sex song, but with meaningful lyrics.

-Him-

  
Watching the love of his life come undone beneath him was the best moment of his entire life. It wasn’t that he doubted his abilities, but he knew she was a virgin and usually the first time was awkward and not so enjoyable, or so he’d heard. He’d never taken anyone’s virginity before and if he was honest, he was a little afraid to take hers. He didn’t want to hurt or upset her. He knew he should have made an honest woman of her first, but he couldn’t find it in himself to feel guilty about it in the moment.

  
Needless to say he followed right behind her when she came. He had to go to a dark place in his mind in order to not embarrass himself and disappoint her. His arms shook with the effort of holding himself above her and when he came they gave out. She let out a squeak and her breath left her, letting him know he was crushing her. He grunted and pushed off of her to flop on his back next to her. If he wasn’t incapable of speech he would apologize. As it was he was just willing his heart to slow to a normal pace.

  
A few seconds later he got up to dispose of the condom and get her a washcloth. He came back in with the intention of cleaning her up when he saw that she was fully covered with the blankets and had a weird look on her face.

  
“Sevgilim? Are you alright?”

  
“Yes.” she didn’t look upset, but something was up.

  
“Here.” he gestured toward her with the damp washcloth. When she didn’t bring her hand out to take it he knit his brow in concern. ”Do you want me to?”

  
“No!” she cut him off.

  
“Tamam.” he held his hands up in defense. “Will you tell me what’s going on in your head right now, because I’m getting worried.”

  
“Can.” she took her hands out of the blankets to grab onto his but left her body covered. “I’m alright, just… I’m embarrassed.”

  
“What do you have to be embarrassed about?” he couldn’t stop himself from touching her hair while he looked at her fondly.

  
“I’ve never, I mean, I didn’t know it could be like that.”

  
He smirked and gestured for her to continue.

  
She licked her lips then pressed them together tightly in preparation for her confession.

  
“Can we do it again?”

  
He was so shocked he nearly choked on his own saliva.

  
She rescued him from drowning by pulling him under the covers with her.

  
They had sex once more before heading to the shower to clean off. He intended to let her get ready for bed alone, but the thought of her under the warm spray of water was way too appealing. She let out a little scream when he came in behind her. She hit him in the chest with her small fist, but he caught her and licked a rivulet of water from her neck. She was always beautiful, but something about how the water ran down her curves and made her body glisten turned him into a madman. He was so grateful that she wanted him, because he wasn’t sure he could stop himself now that he had her.

  
They used their third condom after he decided they shouldn’t get the sheets wet (who had time to dry off properly?) so he needed to fuck her on the bathroom counter. It was the wildest she had been yet, and he was a man possessed. She trusted him implicitly and she let him maneuver her and touch her wherever he wanted.

  
He knew she was trusting and naïve but he never expected it to manifest in this way. He thought she’d be shy or awkward. Instead she desired him and asked for more but let him guide her through her pleasure. It was so fucking sexy and he was losing his mind over it.

  
He forced himself to calm down and let her sleep. He didn’t let her put clothes on though, and he put her on his chest instead of her pillow. She didn’t mind, and fell asleep within minutes of him tucking them in. He drifted off soon after, but woke up a hour before dawn to the feeling of her kissing his neck right where his beard met skin. His dick woke up before his brain did because he was over her ready to push inside when she grabbed a foil packet and pushed it into his chest. That woke him up. He really needed to teach her how to put it on him. He kinda wanted to watch her do it.

  
They slept in till midmorning after that round. The only reason he agreed to leave the room, let alone the bed, was because she really wanted a chocolate croissant and he needed her to maintain her energy levels. When he came back from his trip to the French bakery in town, she was dressed in a new summery dress and had her hair done and light make up on.

  
She reached up on her tiptoes and put her hands on his chest to reach his cheek to kiss him in greeting. “You are the best, canim.”

  
“Anything for you.” he meant every word.

  
She took the food container from him and sat down at the small table in their room to eat. He devoured his food quickly so he could spend more time watching her. She moaned after her first bite of warm chocolate croissant and the sound went straight to his cock. She was sitting very ladylike, but the skirt of her dress was flowy and came down to mid thigh when she stood so it was even shorter when she sat. He was mesmerized by where her closed thighs met the soft floral fabric. He needed to get his hands on all of it.

  
He was determined to let her sit and enjoy her meal without getting harassed, so he got lost in his thoughts for a little while. He was convinced that she was made just for him. They fit together so perfectly and she liked everything he did _to_ her and _with_ her. She even found sensitive spots on him he didn’t know he had. It was like she just _knew_. He didn’t think he would get over it as long as he lived, he would always remember how wanton but submissive she was. His stupid caveman brain _loved_ it. Unfortunately his stupid caveman brain also thought about how her naivety could be dangerous in the wrong hands. He thought about how much he loved her and was afraid of hurting her, but he wasn’t every man. Images of her being controlled and manipulated by a more selfish man came to him unbidden. He squeezed his eyes shut to banish them, but not seeing her made it worse. He knew it was incredibly hypocritical, but the thought of another man taking her innocence enraged him.

  
He opened his eyes to see her enjoying a sip of her tea and she looked so beautifully radiant that it clashed harshly with the dark images in his brain. His rational mind was gone and the caveman took over. Would she have let any other man touch her the way he did? Take her wherever and whenever he wanted like he did? What if she had met a man before him that she thought she loved? The thought of some other man’s hands sliding up her thighs spurred him into action.

  
Without warning he pulled her up from her chair and pushed her into a wall with his body on hers. She let out a small noise of alarm but just held onto his arms to brace herself.

  
“Can?” she sounded so turned on.

  
 _Fuck_.

“You’re mine.” he ground his hips into hers. “And I’m yours?”

“ _Yes_.” her eyes rolled back. “Always.”

“Good.”

He ran his hands from her breasts and down over her waist and hips as he dropped to his knees in front of her. She had no time to react before his hands were under her dress pulling her panties down to her ankles. He pushed her skirt up to her belly button and bunched it up in his left hand to keep it out of his way. 

“Can, what…?” she sucked in a breath when she realized what he was going to do. 

He dove in. Her left leg was draped over his shoulder and his right hand was on her ass. _Right where it belongs._

  
It didn’t take long for her to become overwhelmed with sensation. Her hands were braced on the wall for support, but when he hit her bundle of nerves she buckled. She put her hands on the top of his head to keep from falling over. He wouldn’t have let her fall, but it was probably best to get her in a more secure position. 

“Don’t move an inch.” he had pulled his mouth away but was still eye level with her sex. 

She did as she was told and stood against the wall on shaky legs as he grabbed a condom from the nightstand and ripped it open with his teeth. He was a hungry lion and she was his prey. She knew she was cornered, and there was a look of fear on her face, but her eyes were hungry and lustful. She didn’t know what he was going to do but she trusted him, and she wanted it. 

He wasted no time zipping down the fly of his jeans and freeing himself. He boldly stood in front of her and rolled the condom on as she anxiously anticipated his next move. Her eyes were still on his erection when he took her by the shoulders and spun her around to face the wall. She braced herself with her hands, breasts pressed up against the beige wallpaper. She let out a shocked sounding gasp when he flipped the hem of her dress up to her back and spread her legs with his knee. She let out a moan when he lined them up and pushed all the way in in one quick movement. 

They hadn’t had sex like this before. It was quick, rough, and they were still mostly clothed. It felt so dirty, but so right at the same time. He was possessing her, claiming her, and from the sound of it, she loved it. He had his hands wrapped around her little waist, controlling her movements. Watching himself disappear inside her over and over, and how her juicy round bottom jiggled from his thrusts was an image that he would carry for a long time. Her ass was one of his favorite things to look at, especially now that she was trying to swivel her hips and push into him. She was close and searching for that sweet spot to take her over the edge.

So far she had let him have his way with her, so he wanted to conduct a little experiment. He could tell she was still searching for that spark that would set her off, so he decided to help her out. He covered her right hand with his and pulled it off the wall and down to the apex of her thighs. He found her sensitive nub with his finger and rubbed once before guiding her small hand to the same spot. He knew she was shy and inexperienced, but once they got going there was no stopping her, and she was the same with this. She touched herself slowly at first, then picked up the pace as he thrust harder behind her.

  
Her moans were so loud they bordered on screams. They were positioned near the door of the hotel room and he should have been ashamed that other guests could probably hear them, but he couldn’t care less in the moment. When she got suddenly quiet he knew she had reached her peak. He could feel her stop breathing and he could see that her eyes were shut tight and mouth hung open in ecstasy. He didn’t have time to comment on her lack of oxygen before his orgasm ripped through him. His grunt was close to a roar and his hands gripped her hips so tight that she would have his fingers marked on her skin for the rest of the day. 

After they cleaned up and righted their clothing he noticed she had a particular look on her face.

His eyes went wide and darted back and forth. “What?”

“What was _that_ about?” her arms were crossed over her chest and her eyebrows were arched. 

“What was _what_ about?” Why did he sound so defensive?

“ _That_.”she gestured to the spot on the wall where he had pinned her. 

“Did you not like it? Did I hurt you?” he knew she was alright, he was deflecting. 

“You know I liked it.” she slinked up to him and put her hands on his chest. “But I’ve never seen you like that. It was like you were jealous.”

He cleared his throat so he didn’t have to make eye contact. _How does she do this? Demure one minute and vixen the next._  She could get him to tell her anything.

He licked his lips and looked into her eyes. “I _was_ a little jealous.”

She knit her brow in confusion. “Can? Did I do something? I was here in the room the whole time…”

“No, my love. You didn’t do anything wrong, you wouldn’t. I trust you.” he kissed her forehead then continued. “I’m a jealous man. I tried to tune it out, but I just kept thinking about if we hadn’t met. If I hadn’t been the man to…”

She kissed him to stop that train of thought. “We were always meant for each other. It always would have been you, Can.”

She always knew just what to say to him, to make him listen. He smiled and kissed her properly on her beautiful, soft lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not every single chapter will have sex from now on, but they just need to get it out of their systems for a little bit. They are in the honeymoon phase, so give them a break.  
> Let me know what you thought down in the comments!


	32. We have found something worth living for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So let’s start carving our own path  
> One day it will become a road  
> And we’ll drive down to the countryside”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Love Is Beginning” by Imaginary Future is the song for this chapter. I like that it is so upbeat, and it really helped me picture them in this scene. Their love isn’t beginning, but they are starting a new phase, so I think it fits.

-Her-

She had her right hand hanging out the open window and the wind that whipped in made her hair swirl around her shoulders. She had never been this incandescently happy in her whole life. The love of her life was driving her home after stealing her away on a romantic weekend getaway in which they had sex for the first time. They had sex many times after that too, and each time was better than the last.

  
She hadn’t given sex much thought before she met Can. She thought she would either live at her parent’s house and work at her father’s store the rest of her life and never marry, or she would get stuck with the first man that asked for her hand and be forced to clean his house and have his children. She’d always had a lot of romantic daydreams, but they didn’t turn sexual until after she met _him_. Suddenly the memory of being on the beach in Agva almost exactly one year ago came to her. Then she thought he was a bad man, but her brain insisted on showing him coming to her in the water, shirt plastered to carved abs, his hand touching her lips. That was the first time she considered that sex might be fun, instead of just a function of marriage.

  
To be honest, she never even entertained the thought of having sex before marriage until recently. Now that she had shared that part of herself with the person she loved most in the world, she couldn’t see how anyone could call it a sin. She wanted to get married and live with him and do things “properly”, but that would come in time. Their love was new and vibrant, and it would be a shame to waste this time.

  
“What are you thinking about my love?”

  
She turned toward him. He couldn’t look at her because he was driving, so she took the opportunity to stare. He was magnificent in his tight, short sleeved Henley. The sun was shining on his cheekbones and she could see some of his chest hair peaking out the top of his shirt. She was becoming obsessed with the veins and tendons in his neck and how they connected to his clavicles and spread out on his broad chest. He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen.

  
“You.”

  
She could see a smirk creep up under his beard.

  
“Of course. What else?”

  
Now it was her turn to smirk. “I was thinking about our trip here a year ago. How I thought you were a bad person then, but I still couldn’t help but fall for you.”

  
He looked at her quickly and put his big hand on her thigh. “You know that’s when I fell in love with you, right?”

  
She put her hand over his on her leg. “You did?” he’d never told her exactly when he fell in love before.

  
“I don’t think I fully realized it at the time, but looking back that’s when I knew.”

  
“That’s so sweet, canim.” he was the cutest man.

  
“You know that’s why I planned this trip to Agva? It was kind of like our anniversary. To me anyway.”

  
She leaned all the way over to kiss his cheek. “I love you Can.”

  
He looked really pleased with himself, but she supposed he earned it. “Do you want to rest for a while baby? I know I didn’t let you sleep much last night.”

  
She swatted him on the arm for his cheeky comment, but smiled regardless. “I think I will.”

  
After a few minutes of shifting around to find a comfy spot she huffed in frustration.

  
“Here.” he put a hand on her knee and pulled. “Take your shoes off and put your feet in my lap. Can you stretch out with your seatbelt still fastened?"

  
“Yes.” she toed off her white sneakers and set both ankles on his thigh.

  
She wouldn’t dream of taking off her seatbelt. He’d have a fit. He was protective to a fault.

  
“Sweet dreams, bebek.” he had one hand on the wheel and used the other to rub the top of her foot.

  
He knew exactly what he was doing to her. She _would_ have sweet dreams, sweet and sexy and all about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short and sweet. Bet you can't guess what parts of Can I think are attractive.  
> ; )  
> That's a trick question because it's pretty much every single part.
> 
> Let me know what you thought down in the comments!


	33. Wake up, look me in the eyes again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think I might've inhaled you   
> I could feel you behind my eyes   
> You’ve gotten into my bloodstream   
> I could feel you floating in me”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I chose for this chapter is “Bloodstream” by Stateless. I wanted something almost intoxicating. It needed to be sexy and maybe a little bit melancholy, and I think this fits perfectly.
> 
> PS- Can & Sanem – Bloodstream by H H on YouTube is one of my favorite fan videos in the fandom so go watch that asap!

-Him-

He was supposed to have his eyes on the road. He was fastidious about her safety, and he knew that if he kept turning his head to look at her silky tanned legs like he had been, he would crash his truck. They were coming up on the outskirts of Istanbul anyway, and he could really use a break to stretch his legs before getting stuck in traffic. With these thoughts in mind, he pulled over into a nature park. 

He found a secluded parking lot surrounded by trees. It was a Sunday in Summer, so there were other cars parked in the lot, but he didn’t see any people around. They must have been out on the nature trails or having picnics. He had a different plan for what they would do there. 

She was still slumped over asleep with her cheek against the seat and her feet in his lap. It was so adorably sexy. She was wearing one of the dresses he bought her. It was a rich, bright red cottony material and fairly casual. He loved it because it had an off the shoulder neckline and was cinched at the waist, showing off her hourglass shape and a lot of golden skin. The skirt of the dress was moderately short to begin with, but it had hiked up as she stretched her legs out to sleep. 

Now that he was parked he could look close enough to see a hint of stretchy white lace hiding under the red fabric. He couldn’t decide if seductive black, or innocent white lingerie was hotter. _It’s Sanem. She looks sexy in everything._  Maybe he preferred her in nothing at all.

Would she think it was creepy that he was parked here watching her sleep and staring at her legs? Probably not, because she loved him and trusted him. But there was still a small part of him that knew he was a little bit unhinged when it came to her. He had tried not to think about it, but he knew that she would go home in a few hours and they would be back under the Aydin’s strict rules. He didn’t know when they would get to have time alone again, and he could feel the panic rising in his chest. 

When he panicked he did irrational things. Like postpone dropping off his girlfriend so he could maybe fuck her one more time before they went home to separate houses. The little voice in his head was warning him to not take things too far with her, but he shut it up by rubbing her feet and caressing her ankles and turning on his reptilian brain. This part of his brain only cared about gut instincts and base desires. 

She was stirring awake, so he thought it was okay for him to move things along. He unbuckled his seat belt and slid both hands up both of her legs, thumbs in between to part her thighs. She startled awake with wide eyes like she realized what he was going to do, but she didn’t have any time to react before he hooked his fingers under the waistband and pulled her panties down. 

“Can?! What are you doing!? Where are we?” he didn’t know if she was whispering to keep what they were doing a secret, or if she was just that breathless. 

“At a park just outside the city.” he boldly threw her underwear up on his dash then gave her his most seductive smile. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Can…” he could see the hesitation mixed with desire on her face. 

He unbuckled her seatbelt and splayed his hands out on her thighs. “There’s no one around, but I will stop if you want me to.”

She did that thing she did when she was unsure and bit both lips at the same time. “I want you, but how..?”

“Right here.” he moved his seat back and patted his jean clad thighs. 

A devious smirk replaced the doubt on her face. She crawled over the seat to his lap like a cat stalking prey. She eased her knees on either side of his hips like she had done it a hundred times even though it was her first. She gripped his shoulders and looked down at him, her eyes hooded from lust. He gulped. He’d asked for this, but now that he had her right where he wanted her, he wasn’t so sure he was in control anymore. 

She bent down and touched her lips to his, lightly at first, her hair falling around them, blocking out the world around them. His hands went to her waist on instinct and she deepened the kiss. They were slowly devouring each other. The way their tongues were moving so languidly, but so deep was one of the hottest things he’d ever experienced, and they hadn’t even touched each other beyond that yet. Her hips started moving of their own volition, grinding into his bulge. He could feel the heat of her through his jeans. He remembered that she wasn’t wearing panties and thought dimly about how his jeans might be ruined, but he wouldn’t stop her even if the world was ending. 

When she ran her hands down his chest to the fly of his pants he knew for certain he wasn’t in control anymore. She knew exactly what she was doing and it was going to destroy him. She freed him and immediately began stroking him up and down between their bodies, without ever breaking their kiss. She was taking charge and it was the sexiest she’d ever been. He needed more.

“Hold on.” he kept her close while he fished out his wallet to retrieve their last condom.

He handed it to her and she arched a brow. “Did you plan this?”

“Not exactly. It was our last one and I wanted easy access to it.” he shrugged guiltily. 

She gave him a skeptical look but then said, “Show me.”

He pointed out where to tear the package open and she did so. She took it out and looked at it quizzically for a moment before he showed her which way it should go on. She licked her lips then bit the lower one in concentration while she slowly rolled it on him. Having her hands and eyes on him, her weight over him, it became too much. 

As soon as he was sure the condom was secure he put his hands on her waist and his mouth back on hers. He lifted her hips abruptly, but she was right there guiding him inside her. She knew exactly what he needed. He let her sink down at her own pace, even though his body was thrumming with urgency. She had never been on top of him like this before and he wanted her to enjoy it. 

She was tentative and achingly slow at first, but after a few passes she allowed him deeper. It was exquisite torture. He was so desperate for her that he pulled his truck over to take her panties off, but now she was the one dictating their pace. He reveled in it. Delayed gratification wasn’t usually his thing, but _fuck_ if it wasn’t good right now. 

Her hips started moving faster and her sounds grew louder. He was so turned on he couldn’t stand it. He needed to kiss her and feel her everywhere at once. Her hands were on his shoulders for balance which put her breasts right under his nose. He yanked the top of her dress down to get access to her nipples. She wasn’t wearing a bra, he knew because she didn’t have one that worked with that type of dress, but seeing her boobs pop out from the red fabric made his dick twitch. His hands pressed against her back to pull her closer as he lavished attention on her sensitive peaks. Her hips jerked and her breath stuttered. 

He could tell she was getting close by the erratic way her hips were moving and the way she said _Can_ and _please_ a lot. He was worryingly close behind her. He _really_ didn’t want to disappoint her, but he didn’t think he could hold on. He gently gripped the hair at the nape of her neck with one hand and put the other between their bodies. His thumb rubbed her clit at the same time his fingers tightened in her hair, and that was it. She let out a scream that would have been rather quiet had they not been enclosed in a vehicle, but it echoed in his ears. He roared right after her and he could feel her inner walls clamp down on him at the same time he pulsed in her. 

When he opened his eyes a few seconds later it was almost as if he was waking up from a blackout. His head was slumped on the headrest and his whole body felt like liquid. The love of his life was slumped over him, breasts pressed into his neck, her head against his own. He never wanted to move, until he sensed movement in his peripheral vision.

It could have been the wind, or a curious bird, but he wasn’t going to take any chances. He quickly covered her back up. He wasn’t about to let any other man on earth see what was his. 

She was startled too, and broke away from him. He helped her ease off of him and move back to her own seat. He double checked that no humans were around to see before he opened his door to hop out. He turned his back to her, using the door as a shield to discreetly remove and tie up the condom. He righted his clothing and walked to a nearby trash bin to dispose of the evidence. He jogged back to the truck and opened the back door to riffle through his suitcase. He came up with a t shirt and passed it to her from the back seat. She cleaned herself up as best she could, folded it over, and gave the shirt back to him. When he went back around to get in the driver’s seat she was just slipping her ankles into her panties. 

The whole thing felt very illicit. It was like a random quick and dirty fuck, but with your soulmate, and just thinking about it was making him hard again. _Cool it dude, you don’t have any more condoms and she needs to get home._   

He focused on buckling his seatbelt and making sure her’s was on. There was a weird charge in the air now and he wasn’t sure what did it. Maybe she felt ashamed for what they had done? Or she was sad to be going home? Or she was worried about how things would be now that they had had sex but still weren’t engaged or living together? How hard it would be to be separated from each other now that they had shared all of themselves? It was possible he was projecting some of his own concerns onto her.

Before he could pull the car out of the parking stall he turned to her. “Hey.”

She looked at him with big brown eyes. She looked unsure, questioning, but not upset at all. 

“I love you.” his hand searched for her leg and she smiled a little when he squeezed her thigh. “We’re going to be okay.” _It won’t be so bad. We’ll get through it, even if I have to kidnap you again._

“I know. I love you too.” the soft affection in her face and in her voice melted him. 

He couldn’t understand how he got so lucky.

He spent the remainder of the drive thinking. He knew he could be a jealous possessive asshole sometimes, but it was because he loved her more than anything else on this earth. He thought of her as his soulmate, his first and only love, and he knew she felt the same about him. She was the most beautiful, kind-hearted, funny, creative, and joyful woman he had ever met, and she loved _him_. She trusted him, she gave him her heart and her virginity, and he couldn’t help but feel a little inadequate in the face of that. 

Of course he loved her back, he would give her anything her heart desired, but he maybe hadn’t been the best at acting on that. What her heart desired most, now more than ever, was to never be parted from him. He knew this because it was how he felt too. The separation and supervision would be doubly hard on them now and he cursed his lack of impulse control.   
There was only one solution to all their problems. He would have to get over his feelings of past rejection and put himself out there for her, for them. If he was honest, it was something he should have done a long time ago, but in a way he was glad that they had this time to mature and figure out what they couldn’t live without. He was ready, _they_ had been ready for a while, and now he was going to pull the trigger. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good Lord Can Yaman has the sexiest hands I have ever seen on a man and the more steamy scenes I write for Canem the more I realize that I have a straight up fetish. At least it helps with my inspiration. ; )   
> Let me know what you thought down in the comments!


	34. The only thing that matters now is everything you think of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing  
> You say I am strong when I think I am weak  
> You say I am held when I am falling short  
> When I don’t belong, oh you say that I am yours  
> And I believe, oh I believe   
> What you say of me   
> I believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You Say” by Lauren Daigle is the song for this chapter. This is a kind of filler transitional chapter but I still wanted it to have strong messages and move the story along. Bolum 36 really showed the power of love between Can and Sanem and Can and Sanem’s family. I wanted to bring a little bit of that to this small chapter.

-Her-

  
Today was the day. It was going to be the biggest day of her life, hopefully. The only thing that was keeping her from jumping out of her skin was the thought of seeing Can again after nearly a week without him.

  
She put on the outfit Leyla helped her pick out the night before and swiped on her favorite lipstick before applying her homemade perfume crème. She walked downstairs on wobbly knees. She ignored her mother’s calls for breakfast and slipped her feet out of her house slippers and into her high heels.

  
“Sanem, çocuğum?” she knew her mom was concerned, but she just couldn’t think about food right now.

  
When she didn’t hear a response, her mother came into the hallway to see that she was ready to go out. Instead of scolding her or forcing her to sit and eat, Mevkibe just patted her cheek and gave her a sympathetic look.

  
“Bebek? Don’t worry so much. I know the meeting with the publisher will go well.”  
her mom kissed both of her cheeks and fixed a stray hair. “Besides, Leyla will be there. And Can too.”

  
She smiled a little and rolled her eyes. “They won’t be in the room with me, just in the office above, but you’re right. I do feel better with them near me.”

  
Leyla appeared from the kitchen and got ready to leave with her. Their mother squeezed each of their arms with her warm hands and sent them on their way. They walked arm in arm to the bus stop like they used to when they both worked at the agency. She missed it, and consciously soaked it in so she could keep the memory close. She didn’t talk much due to nerves, but got lost in thought on the bus ride downtown.

  
She smiled when she thought back to her mother mentioning Can this morning. Both of her parents had really warmed to him in the months since her accident. Part of it had to do with him respecting their wishes and just being his polite and kind self. She thought the other part might be that they could see how much he loved her, and she loved him. They knew that it was forever for both of them. Whenever he kissed her mother’s cheeks or told her dad a funny story and clapped him on the back her heart bloomed in her chest. She had known for a long time now that she loved him, would love him for the rest of her life, but seeing him fit with her family made her fall even more in love with him. He finally had the family he didn’t have growing up, and she was honored that she could give that to him.

  
She had a little while before her meeting with the publisher Yigit Bey, so she decided to go upstairs to the agency first. She bid Leyla goodbye at her office door and took a few more steps to Can’s office.

  
“Günaydın sevgilim. You look beautiful.” he stood up from his desk and walked over to kiss her cheeks and give her a small hug.

  
“Sal Can.” she was still nervous, but just feeling his touch settled her.

  
He sensed her mood and pulled her in to hug her tighter.

  
“I _know_ your meeting will go well my love.” he ran his hand through her hair and across her back. “You are romantic, creative, and the most brilliant woman I know, and you will get your book published.”

  
The nerves must have been getting to her because she had to tip her head back to keep her tears from falling. She didn’t want to ruin her make up. She blinked them away and tilted her head back down to look in his eyes.

  
“Did you know you are my favorite person?”

  
The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. “I _hoped_ so. You’re mine.”

  
She smiled fully for the first time all morning. “Will you walk me down?”

  
“Of course bir tanem.” he put a hand at the small of her back to lead her out.

  
He stayed while she was introduced to Yigit Bey and shown the publishing house. The man seemed knowledgeable and friendly, but she noticed the look of caution on Can’s face when Yigit shook her hand. Yigit was in fact Polen Hanim’s brother, that’s how Can found out about him and helped her get a meeting with him. Fortunately Polen had gone back to England months ago, and it seemed her brother was nothing like her. She chalked Can’s odd mood up to his jealous nature. If she was going to get a book deal he would just have to get used to her working with this man.

  
He pulled her in tight to his chest for a kiss and whispered good luck in her ear before she went into Yigit Bey’s office for the official meeting. It helped calm her fears, even though she thought he might have done it for more possessive reasons. Her meeting went really well, and at the end Yigit Bey offered to publish her novel. He loved the characters and thought her story was really romantic and beautifully unique.

  
She was nearly bursting at the seams and practically leapt up the stairs to the agency. She felt a little bad for bursting into Can’s office while he was speaking with Emre, but she couldn’t control herself and Emre would understand. Both men stood up and smiled brightly when they saw the look on her face. She jumped into Can’s arms and Emre quietly congratulated her before slipping away to his office.

  
“So…?” he was smiling his ridiculous smile. _Dummy_.

  
“I got the deal.” her cheeks actually hurt from smiling so big.

  
He held her face in his large hands and kissed her soundly. “I knew you would baby.”

  
The atmosphere around them changed from excitement to arousal. She had of course missed talking to him, but she missed his touch so much more. She had gone twenty five years of her life without it, but now that she had felt his hands on every part of her body she _craved_ it. They couldn’t do anything in his glass enclosed office, and her mother expected her back home soon, but that didn’t make the feelings of lust go away. 

  
He knew exactly what he was doing to her because he smirked a little when he heard her breath hitch.

  
“Do you want me to drop you off?” he was still a gentleman, always.

  
She licked her lips and swallowed hard.

  
“Yes please.” she looked up at him demurely. _Two can play this game_.

  
When she saw his wide eyed puppy dog look and his mouth hanging open a little, she knew she got to him. It was her turn to smirk.   
She pecked his cheek and tugged his hand to lead him out to his truck.

  
He walked her to the front door and stepped into the foyer to greet her mother.

  
“Merhaba Mevkibe Hanim.” he kissed her cheeks. “I can smell something delicious.”

  
“Can, son, I’m making Dolma for tonight. I know it’s your favorite.”

  
“I can’t wait. 7pm right?”

  
“Yes dear.” her mother patted his face in farewell.

  
He flashed his adorable toothy smile at both women and waved as he stepped out.

  
“Um, what?”

  
“ _What_ what, Sanem?”

  
“Can is coming for dinner?”

“Yes. He called this morning and asked if I could prepare a family meal for us.”

  
She felt like she was missing something. “ _Why_?”

  
“I don’t know dear. He spoke to your father on the phone. I’m guessing it’s to celebrate your book.”

“How would he have known this morning that I got my book deal?” she was thinking out loud.

“You _did_!?” her mother began jumping up and down and squeezed her arms so tight she thought it would leave marks. 

Needless to say the excitement about her novel overshadowed her curiosity about Can’s family dinner plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you cried like a baby when Nihat gave the stones, Can asked for permission, or when Sanem looked for approval, because I sure did. I love one Aydin-Divit family!
> 
> Let me know your thoughts down in the comments.


	35. You're my one true love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So with this ring,  
> May you always know one thing:  
> What little that i have to give,  
> I will give it all to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is “Dear True Love” by Sleeping At Last. If I could use ALL Sleeping At Last songs I would, so I really had to narrow it down. This verses of this song are so poetic (like Sanem) and really describe their love. The chorus is just 100% Can, and I have happy tears thinking about it. (I don’t think I’ll never be over Ep 36)

-Him-

He could tell that she was a little alarmed when he knocked on the door at 7pm sharp and she opened it to find not only him, but his brother and Remide Teyze as well. He assumed she would begin to piece together what was going to happen tonight, but he couldn’t help but smile when he thought of her adorable surprised face.

Everything went well at dinner, except for a slightly stiff welcome for Emre and some curious glances between him and Leyla. But Nihat Abi knew what the Divit brothers were there for, so there were no hard feelings between the families. Remide Teyze hadn’t seen Sanem in a long time, so when seated next to her at the table decided to interrogate her about her book and what she would do after it was published. She was apprehensive at first, but warmed up to her when she saw how supportive Remide was of her accomplishments. 

The dolma was delicious, but he only at as much as he did because Mevkibe Hanim insisted that he hadn’t eaten enough food. Even though he arranged this whole evening, he was nervous enough to lose his appetite, which wasn’t something that happened to him often. 

Her mother ushered everyone to the sitting room after the meal and the Aydin women went to the kitchen to prepare hot drinks for their guests. He sat on the green floral sofa, Emre in the middle and Remide Teyze on the far end. He and his brother were directly across from Nihat Bey, and both were subjected to his paternal gaze. It intimidated him, but it seemed to terrify Emre, who had gone pale and sat very stiffly. 

“You have a beautiful home Nihat Bey.” Remide Teyze broke the tension with her complementary small talk.

“Thank you Remide Hanim. We are so glad you could accompany Can Bey this evening.” Nihat had a twinkle in his eye that actually eased his nerves a bit.

“I was happy to. When Can told me his father could not return to Istanbul on such short notice I was honored to go in his place.”

“How do you take your coffee Remide Teyze?” Leyla peaked in to interrupt their pleasantries.

“Sweet dear. Sal.”

Leyla smiled and nodded, returning to the kitchen. The fact that she didn’t ask what any of the rest of them were drinking told him she knew what he was about to do. That and she would have known Emre and her father’s coffee preferences. _He_ preferred Sanem’s tea, but he knew he was going to be served salty Turkish coffee and he mentally prepared himself to drink it without pulling a face. 

“Tamam. Sweet coffee Remide Teyze.” Leyla had returned a few minutes later with a tray, and paused to hand the woman her cup. “Emre, light sugar. And Baba, unsweetened of course.”

He was momentarily distracted by Nihat’s look of disgust at having to drink unsweetened coffee when he caught a flash of red out of the corner of his eye. Her dress was very sweet, with its cap sleeves, sweetheart neckline, and modest knee length hem, but he was mesmerized by her. She made everything she wore sexy, no matter if it covered her completely or barely at all, but she knew he had a weakness for how the color red made her skin glow and her dark hair stand out even more.

“Coffee Can Bey?” she bent down to politely hand him his cup. 

He clenched his jaw in order to school his features. He wanted so badly to look down at her chest, or just laugh at the ridiculous formality of it all, but he simply nodded and took his cup from her. She sat on the window seat near him with her tea in her hand. Leyla sat next to her, sipping her coffee. Mevkibe was the last to enter the room, and sat in the other high backed chair to Nihat’s left. 

He didn’t know which he feared more: sampling spiced coffee, or starting the most important conversation of his life. It wasn’t in his nature to procrastinate, and he certainly wasn’t going to leave the Aydin residence without what he came for, the most important thing in the whole world to him. He blinked hard as the salty coffee touched his tongue and made it’s way down his throat. He swallowed determinately and made eye contact with Nihat.

“Nihat Bey, I believe you know why I asked to come to dinner this evening, and why I brought guests.” the salty coffee was _really_ not helping the words flow off his tongue. “My dear Remide Teyze is here to help me with something.”

“Evet çocuğum.” Remide leaned forward in her seat and fixed Nihat with her piercing gaze. “Can has given me the honor of asking for Sanem’s hand on his behalf.”

She obviously knew what was going to happen otherwise he wouldn’t be drinking this horrendous coffee, but she still sucked in a little breath when she heard Remide’s words. He couldn’t bring himself to turn his head to look at her. He didn’t trust himself to not touch her. He clenched his left hand into a fist to keep from grabbing her hand. He stared straight ahead, right into her father’s eyes. It was like staring death in the face, for if he couldn’t have her for the rest of his life he would surely die. 

After a pause and a watery smile, Nihat Bey gave his permission. 

All of his breath came out in a whoosh. He smiled his best squinty-eyed toothy grin and finished his drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the beautiful but failed proposal in Ep 27 this is how I pictured their successful proposal. I am not Turkish so I don’t know the details of traditional proposals. This is just what I picked up from following the show and other fans. I had to watch the #Leyman engagement for reference, and even though we know how it ends, it was still cute AF. This cast is the best. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought down in the comments!


	36. I would be honored if you would take me as I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It's a warm celebration  
> Of all of our years  
> I dream of our story  
> Of our fairy-tale”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Is That Alright?” by Lady Gaga is the song for this chapter. I don’t always, but I like using female voices for Sanem’s chapters, and Gaga’s voice is so powerful here.

-Her-

She would never forget what his smile looked like when her father gave him her hand in marriage. 

When she was a young girl she didn’t really dream of her wedding, but she did dream of her Albatross. She fantasized about a man who would sweep her off her feet and take her far away. He was the gentle prince to her beautiful princess. She hadn’t really considered herself beautiful or special until she met her real life gentle prince. The fairytale in her head wasn’t anything compared to reality. He hadn’t taken her far away but instead landed here and made a life with her. He chose her, the early bird, as his mate for life.

When she was young the prince of her fairytale never had a face. In her dreams she could feel his gentle touch, the warmth of his chest, the strength of his arms, but she didn’t know what he looked like. Now she knew. He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. He had a perfect nose, high cheekbones, and the most intensely expressive eyes. He was tall and broad and strong. He was funny, smart, and passionate. And he _loved_ her. _Dreams_ _really_ _do_ _come_ _true_. 

The rest of the celebrations went by in a blur. She laughed when Emre stumbled back in the house from retrieving the flowers and chocolates from Can’s truck. She felt embarrassed that Can didn’t have a ring for the ribbon cutting ceremony, but they just tied it around his finger and took tons of cheesy photos that way. She teared up when he called her mother Annecim and her father Nihat Baba. They didn’t have an easy road, but they made it. And she couldn’t regret anything. It was a night she would keep with her forever. 

At one point Can snuck her away from the celebrations to have a quiet moment together.

“Can?!” she whispered. “Where are we going?”

He lead her quietly down the stairs to the kitchen. “Could I ask my wife for a glass of water to follow the wonderful coffee she made for me?”

She blushed at the words _my_ _wife_ , and dutifully went to the fridge to retrieve the pitcher of cold water.

He took the proffered glass and took a long drink. “Aaahh. Much better.”

 _What_ _a_ _baby_. “Was it really that bad?”

“No aşkım. I love everything you make for me.” he got all up in her personal space, trying to be cute and sarcastic. 

“Well the joke’s on you because Leyla made the coffee.” she bumped his nose with hers to emphasis her point. 

He feigned shock and disappointment. “How could you start our life together on a lie?”

She snorted out a short laugh. “I was going to, but my hands were shaking so badly that Anne thought I would burn her kitchen down spilling it all over the stove.”

He smiled softly at her. “Well it’s a good thing I taught Leyla my Greek method of coffee brewing then, huh?”

“Evet. Thank you.” his arms were around her now and she felt more content than she ever had. 

“It’s a good thing we both prefer tea.” he used a joking tone but the sincerity was there. 

She tried to swat his arm but he held her so closely that she couldn’t move her arm. He squeezed tighter in response and she considered protesting further just to see how tight he would press her body into his. 

“Did I really surprise you?” his puppy dog eyes gave away how desperately he wanted to please her. 

“Yes. I mean I sort of knew when you brought Emre and Remide Hanim, but I had no idea up until that point.” she paused to think of how she wanted to phrase her next sentence. “I never really thought you were the type of person for a traditional proposal.”

“Really?” he didn’t take offense, but was genuinely interested in her thoughts. 

“To be honest, I didn’t think you would propose again after what happened the first time.” she didn’t want to dampen their moods, but she did want to be honest with him. 

“Honestly? I didn’t think I would propose again either. I was pretty hurt when you turned me down, but we have grown so much since then. We’ve both made mistakes, but what’s important is that we want to _try_. We try to be better, we try to communicate, we try to reach each other.”

“I’ll never stop trying, for you.” she put her hands on his cheeks and stroked his beard with her thumbs. 

“I promise to always try for you too.” he was looking down at her with so much love that she thought her heart would burst.

  
They wrapped themselves around each other and kissed in the middle of her mother’s kitchen, not caring that their family was just upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And no, I haven’t seen A Star is Born because I’m afraid it will destroy me. I want to though, and I feel like I need to choose a good time to dive in because I think I will become obsessed. 
> 
> PS- I can’t get over the way Can and Sanem looked at each other in the desk scene from Ep 36. Can and Demet’s love jumped out and I’ll never not cry about it. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought in the comments!


	37. Just you and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You'll be the one  
> Make me hurt, make me come  
> Make me feel like I'm real  
> And alive”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Grow Old With Me” by Tom Odell is the song for this chapter. I love how upbeat it is, and the lyrics just fit so perfectly that it was hard to choose one phrase as a summary.

-Him-

They had decided to get married in September, which only really gave them two months to plan everything. It was a busy time, what with Sanem working on getting her book published and him in the thick of it at the agency. He didn’t mind having a busy schedule if it meant he could marry her sooner. Even waiting the two months felt unnecessary, but she wanted a quaint mahalle wedding, and a happy wife was a happy life. He tried to remind himself that they had only known each other for just over a year, and were together even less time. Still, when you meet your soulmate it’s hard to wait.

Fortunately for him, she had been in the building almost every day since getting her book deal. They met up for lunch regularly and he got caught up on the wedding plans. He wasn’t one of those grooms that was totally hands off, but he knew that she wanted things a certain way, so he let her choose most things. Her mother and the women of the neighborhood had planned a banquet meal, her sister was helping her design a dress that would be made by the local seamstress, and her father, Osman, and Muzo were sourcing the food and décor. He was in charge of his and Emre’s suits, the invitations, and accommodations for out of town guests. He also had one or two tricks up his sleeve, but those wouldn’t be revealed until the actual wedding day. 

Even though they saw each other more often, he had grown very _frustrated_ with their lack of alone time. He knew she was feeling it too. She was normally very shy and modest about anything more than hand holding in public, but lately when she came to meet him in his office she would go straight for a kiss on the lips with no shame whatsoever.   
She was due to meet him soon actually. Thoughts of kissing her were distracting him from the task at hand. He really needed to get this finalized before the wedding…

“Merhaba? Earth to Can?” Metin waved his hand in front of his face.

“Yeah yeah. I’m back.”he shook his head and refocused his eyes on the document that his lawyer and best friend had placed in front of him. 

“Good, because you really need to get this finalized before the wedding…” Metin trailed off when he felt Can’s eyes burn a hole through him. “Tamam. Just read through this section here and if you agree then sign your life away.”

He read and signed his life away. He was hoping it would be a long and happy life though.

“Merhaba Sanem!” his head snapped up when he heard Metin welcome her into his office. 

“See you tomorrow Metin.” he discreetly pushed the folder of papers to his friend and ushered him out.

Metin kissed her cheeks in simultaneous welcome and farewell. He could tell that she was happy he had rekindled his friendship with his oldest friend. He had gotten in better touch with Akif as well, and it made him feel so much more like himself to have his best friends back in his life. Not to mention they had some interesting ideas for the bachelor party. Some of them he already vetoed. He only had eyes for one woman, but alcohol and good music were definitely still on the list. 

It was his turn to kiss her. “Are you hungry my love?”

“Yes. Always.” judging by her tone she was hungry for more than one thing. 

He smiled mischievously and pulled her closer so her breasts were pressed to his torso through their thin shirts. The sound of her little gasp went straight to his dick, along with all the blood in his brain. 

“Can!” her scandalized whisper did nothing to help the situation in his pants 

He knew she could feel him against her abdomen so he whispered back not at all scandalized. “What? I can’t help it!”

She shot him a look that said, _you know exactly what you are doing,_ but it also said _I like it_  so he pressed his luck. He kissed her again, but this time with _feeling_. Her eyes fluttered shut and she melted into him. She made a soft sound at the back of her throat when he tilted his head for better access. It must have been loud enough to snap her out of it because her eyes flew open and she pushed away from him with her hands on his chest. He caught her by the arms before she could run away. He wasn’t quite finished.

“Can.” her voice was a horse whisper. “We can’t…”

He didn’t say anything, but looked in her eyes for a second before making his decision. 

He pulled her by the arms over to the corner of the room, on the other side of the sofa. He pushed her up against the white door there, out of view of anyone at the agency who wasn’t in his or Emre’s office. Emre had left for the day only minutes earlier, and there were still a few employees lingering in the common area. They were in full view of the street as they were near the floor to ceiling window, but he wasn’t thinking about anyone seeing them from down there. 

His lips pressed into hers at the same time his hardness pressed against her belly. She made a sexy surprised noise so he pushed into her harder. He normally wouldn’t be so brazen, but they were both aching for a little friction. She opened her mouth for him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He fucking loved having her like this. Trapped but willing to be there. Exhibitionist but private. He never thought she would be this type of person, but love makes you do crazy things. Or she was just really horny so she wasn’t thinking straight. That’s how he was feeling anyway. 

“Baby, I missed you.” he needed her to know the very _specific_ way he missed her. 

“Me too baby.” she knew exactly what he meant.

She only called him _baby_ in the heat of the moment, so he knew she was begging for it. His hands were all over her, and he honestly couldn’t control them. The tone of her voice sent him over the edge of reason. Common sense and common decency were gone. His right hand ran from the dip in her back, over her perky little butt, and onto the back of her thigh at the hem of her skater skirt. 

“Please?” _Can I touch you?_  

“Yes.” she was gripping his shoulders tight, her eyes full of lust and a cheeky smile on her face.

He softly caressed the skin of her outer thigh before diving under the fabric. He fit his mouth over hers and his hand over her ass. When he felt the bare skin of her buttocks his hips jerked and his other hand joined it’s twin under her skirt. 

“Oh god baby, what are you doing to me?” _What are you wearing?_

“I thought you might like it.” she was half confident half questioning.

It took him only a few seconds to discover the thin band of her thong on her hip and pull it down. Only when they slid down her legs, getting stuck at her knees, did he find out that they were a bright pink color.

“I love them, but I like them better off.” he was only slightly apologetic. 

Her response wasn’t verbal, but a quick inhale of breath as he pushed a finger inside her to the knuckle. 

She was so wet for him, it made his knees buckle. He focused his attention on her. She seemed close already and he had barely touched her. He stroked her a few times before adding a second finger. Her breath came out in little pants, but it stopped altogether when he put his thumb on her clit. A moment later she had her face buried in the collar of his shirt trying to muffle the sound of her orgasm. 

“Sorry.” she said when she had recovered.

“ _Never_ apologize for that my love.”

“But you..”

“I’ll live. There’s always next time.” he waggled his eyebrows at her.

She swatted his arm in mock outrage but had a decidedly mischievous smirk on her face.

He was grateful that all his employees were gone when they slipped out of his office to clean up in the restrooms. He waited for her outside the ladies room and offered her his arm when she emerged. She tucked her small hand in his elbow and walked with him to the exit.

“Where to milady?” the cheesy over the top gentleman routine never failed to make her giggle, besides, she deserved to be treated like a queen. 

“Balik Ekmek?”

“Read my mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did NOT intend for this chapter to be smutty when I started it, but they took over and it happened. After that scene of her seducing him in the yellow dress and the one with her sitting on his desk right in front of him, the office was begging for some action. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought down in the comments!


	38. So kiss me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kiss me beneath the milky twilight  
> Lead me out on the moonlit floor  
> Lift your open hand  
> Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance  
> Silvermoon's sparkling”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer is the song for today. Raise your hand if you remember this song from She’s All That.
> 
> Yes, I am in fact that old.

-Her-

Her parents had drastically reduced her and Leyla’s restrictions after Can proposed. Partly it was because he had made a show of respect (along with Emre) and partly that they were so busy organizing a wedding that they didn’t have time to supervise everything the girls did. Unfortunately she hadn’t been able to use her newfound freedom for what she really wanted to. Mostly she just went to the publishing house and ate meals with Can when she wasn’t finalizing wedding details. 

She knew Leyla was using her free time wisely, or possibly not so wisely since she had been meeting up with Emre. He was how they both got in serious trouble last time, but she knew if it had been Can, she would do the same thing. She was thankful that she no longer had to question Emre’s integrity. She knew he was a good man, a changed man. Now he just had to prove himself to Leyla and eventually her parents. 

The leash had been lengthened sure, but she knew that still wasn’t allowed to go to Can’s house unsupervised. That of course didn’t stop her. The easiest way to pull it off was to not let him know he would be taking her home. 

He picked her up on a Saturday afternoon two weeks before the wedding. He kissed her mother farewell and told her they were going to see a band that he wanted to get to play at the wedding. All of this was true, and no one suspected a thing. 

“Are you excited to see them?” They were driving across town to an outdoor amphitheater where Can’s favorite band was playing an end of Summer concert.

“What time did you tell my mother you would drop me off home?”

The lack of answer and abrupt change of topic made him double take. “Um. I didn’t tell her a time?” 

“Good.”

Judging by the mix of wariness in his posture and excitement in his eyes he knew she was up to something, but he didn’t know what.

She really was excited to see the band. Ever since their fateful elevator accident in which they were forced to talk about anything and everything, she realized they had similar taste in music. He had introduced her to stuff she had never heard from abroad, and she reignited his love for Turkish classics. 

The concert was fun and casual. Can had packed them a picnic basket and they sat out on a blanket eating and singing along. After dark (and a few sips from his flask of whiskey) she convinced him to dance with her. He wasn’t the most natural, but he always made an effort for her. She laughed and hugged her arms around his neck when he did something that was technically on the beat but looked horrendously awkward. She could feel how big his smile was as he pressed a kiss to her cheek, his arms tight around her. 

“Will you take me home?” she whispered into his neck.

“What?! I thought you were having fun?” he pulled back to look at her. 

“Of course I am, but I wanted to have a little more fun.” she raised her eyebrows in emphasis. 

“Oh.” she could see it in his eyes when it fully dawned on him.”You mean my house home.”

She laughed out loud at the look on his face. “Yes.”

He grabbed her hand and made a move toward the exit. She wasn’t sure if he actually forgot about all their stuff in his haste to get her alone or if he was just being dramatic to make her laugh, but either way it worked. She loved it when his goofy side came out. He had to be so serious and responsible most of the time, but with her he let all his walls down. 

His hand was so warm around hers as they walked back to his car. She was trailing behind him a bit trying to wrangle the long blanket, and when she looked back up at him she could make out the roundness of his smiley cheeks. He was everything she ever wanted.

He let her drive home because he had been drinking. He really didn’t have a lot to drink, so she thought it might just be that he was so deliriously happy that he didn’t care if she crashed his truck. She was very careful, mostly because the size of the truck was intimidating for her. They made it back and she parked in his usual spot in the driveway before hopping out to collect their things to bring inside. 

She was bent over in the backseat trying to reach the picnic basket when she felt him behind her. 

He put his hands on her hips and bent over her back to whisper in her ear. “Leave it baby. I’ll get it later.”

His breath on her neck sent a thrill down her spine and she immediately stopped what she was doing. His fingers dug in and he pushed gently to turn her around. She was off balance in a small space so she had to reach up on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck for support. He leaned in to kiss her, but she pushed back instead. She knew he would take her right there in the driveway if she didn’t redirect them. And as appealing as that sounded, she had other plans. 

They didn’t have much time before either Emre returned home or she would need to leave, so they needed to be quick. She ducked around him and pulled him by the hand toward his front door. He slammed the car door shut by reaching out with his fingertips, then gladly followed along. She hadn’t really thought about where to do this, but the decision was made for her when he wrapped a long arm around her middle and gently tackled her onto the L shaped couch in the living room. 

He got her under him in a second and started kissing all over her face and neck. His beard tickled her in the best way, but she couldn’t control her giggles long enough to tell him what she wanted. She could feel his hardness brush against her whenever he moved to kiss a new spot and she knew he would take control of the situation if she didn’t do something. She playfully beat his collar bones with her fists to get him to stop. He hovered over her with pieces of his hair loose and the brightest dimpled smile on his face. He was glorious.

“Why do you keep stopping me?” he was playful and petulant. 

“I might have something in mind.” coy was her forte.

“Really?” he was intrigued for sure. 

“I wanted to try something new. Will you sit up?” she tapped his arm to signal him to move. 

He sat up properly on the couch, still facing her. She did the same, still right next to him. Now she felt awkward. She didn’t know how to begin this. She knew he loved her, but sometimes her lack of sexual experience compared to his wealth of knowledge made her feel unsure of herself. As if he could read her mind, he put a hand on her knee and made her face him. 

“Can I touch you?” best for her to get it out. 

“You never have to ask sevgilim.” he was looking her up and down hungrily.

She went straight for her target without breaking eye contact. When her fingers stroked his bulge with purpose she could see his eyes go wide and his pupils dilate to full black. When she brought her other hand over to undo the button and fly of his jeans, his plump bottom lip hung open in lust and wonder. 

She had seen him and touched him before but this was something different. It was purposeful and all about him. He leaned back against the cushions when she stroked him with her fingertips. She leaned against his shoulder and tucked herself next to him so she could get a front row seat to his reactions. Her small hand wrapped around his girth and started pumping. She could see the glimmer of precum at his tip and used it to lubricate him. He’d never been so still. It was like he was glued to the spot and the only thing that moved was his chest when he took his short stilted breaths. He stared down at his lap like a man possessed. 

So far she hadn’t done anything she hadn’t already done before, but he must have known what she was about to do. She kept one of her hands around the base of his shaft and put the other on his thigh for support. She bent down to taste him. He sucked in a breath so violently she thought she might have hurt him somehow. She tucked her hair behind her ear and glanced sidelong up at him. He wasn’t in pain exactly, but he looked like he might die if she did it again. Or maybe that he would die if she _didn’t_ taste him again. She didn’t have time to waste guessing.

She opened her mouth and took him in a little at a time. She had absolutely no idea what she was doing, but she knew enough to keep her teeth away as much as possible and to go slow as to not choke, or kill her fiancé. From the sound of it he was thoroughly enjoying everything she was doing, though he was stiff in more ways than one. He hadn’t moved at all from where he was leaning back on the couch. His palms were planted on the seat, and his head lolling back occasionally was the only movement she registered. It didn’t really matter, as she liked having full control of him like this. 

On one pass she tried swirling her tongue around him as she pulled off and his groan was so loud it could have been a roar. She smirked and did it again. He started shaking and she felt his hands ball into fists. 

She was just getting confident with it when he said, “Baby, I’m gonna come.”

She took him in one last time, as deep as she dared, then pulled off with a pop. She looked down at his dick and then at his face waiting for an eruption. He desperately grabbed the hand that was still around his base and pumped himself with her fingers under his. She felt a little foolish for not understanding how it would work, but she couldn’t regret having him touch himself to show her. Something about the veins in his hands that lead to muscled arms taught with tension was so sexy and masculine to her. When he spilled himself over their hands with one last grunt she felt so turned on that she considered stripping off her shorts and jumping on his lap, with no cares about condoms or curfews. 

They were late as it was and she had completely forgotten that Emre lived there too and could arrive at any moment. He got up quickly to grab a towel for her and change his clothes. She washed up in his en suite bathroom as he put on basketball shorts and a tank top. Her hands were clean and make up fixed, but there was nothing she could do about how damp her panties were. She supposed they were even now after their last encounter in his office. Neither of them minded nor kept score, but she sort of enjoyed their sexual tit-for-tat.

On the way home and even after getting ready for bed she wondered if they would still be like that in their married life. Of course she assumed they would be going at it like bunnies for the first little while, but would they still be enamored after having children, or when they were old? She thought back to a year ago when they were just figuring out how the other person felt, how Can couldn’t stop touching her even when it wasn’t sexual and she wasn’t his to touch. She remembered how she couldn’t resist him even when she thought he was a bad person, and she _knew_ they would be that obnoxious flirty couple even when they were old and gray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t realize how much I wanted to see them go on a regular old date until I wrote it. 
> 
> Also, Can Yaman posting a video of him and Demet dancing on his IG when he knows he isn’t a good dancer? That’s love bitch!
> 
> Let me know what you thought down in the comments!
> 
> PS- I have been jotting down lots of angsty Canem scenarios lately. I guess I just crave the angst when things are looking up for our couple (on the show and this story). Plus I am a whore for depressing songs so there would be playlists to go with the story/stories. Whadaya think about a separate story or a series of oneshots?


	39. And in a wide sea of eyes, I see one pair that I recognize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And where was I before the day  
> That I first saw your lovely face?  
> Now I see it everyday  
> And I know that I am  
> I am, I am the luckiest”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds is the song I chose for this momentous occasion. I searched for a while to find the perfect song. I have already used a lot of go to wedding songs in this story and I wanted something different. The piano composition screams wedding, and the lyrics are quirky and endearing just like our couple.
> 
> PSA: I pieced this together from watching wedding scenes from Can & Demet’s other shows. I also added in some things that I wanted for them, so there might be some things in here that aren’t true to Turkish culture.

-Him-

Someday he will tell their children about the moment he first saw her as a bride on their wedding day. He knows that he will never forget it as long as he lives.

She stepped out of her front door after her parents, her sister behind to help with the train of her dress. She pulled up the hem of the matte, bright white material so she could watch her step over the threshold. When she tipped her head up her eyes locked with his. Whatever Leyla did with her make up made her eyes look even more elongated and feline than they normally did, and he was hypnotized. Time stopped for a moment, just for them. They had always said what they really felt with their eyes, and this was no exception. He saw no fear or sadness in hers, only joy and contentment. He tried to pour all his love for her out through his gaze, knowing that no words would ever be enough. 

He took her right hand which housed his moonstone ring. In the other hand she carried a bouquet of wildflowers. He recognized the particular flower that she had picked in the woods in Agva, that first time they went away together and their car broke down. The bouquet enhanced her already alluring scent. It took him back for a second to their very first meeting, their kiss in the dark. It made him think of fate and how certain he was that they were destined for one another. This really was the first day of the rest of their lives.

He secured her right hand in the crook of his left elbow and began walking down her street, all of their friends and family following behind. 

He couldn’t stop looking at her as they made their way to the waterside. Her hair was up in a soft updo with wavy tendrils framing her face, a long gauzy veil pinned at the back. Watching her in profile like he was, he could see the prominence of her chin and jaw, the high points of her face glowing in the sun. Her dress had a sweetheart neckline and fluttery off the shoulder sleeves, showing all the skin he wanted to touch. She had kept the design of the dress a secret, and he thought she looked beautiful in everything so he wasn’t one to have an opinion, but he never expected her to wear something so simple. The gown was fitted at the bust and waist, and skimmed her hips in a way that showed off her hourglass shape. The skirt flowed out gently from her hips, the train of it rippling like waves when she walked. There was not a stitch of lace or sequins or a pattern of any kind. Just the stark white fabric cut to perfectly enhance her already beautiful features. She looked like the goddess he knew her to be. 

When they reached the park the guests fell back a little and it was just the two of them. He guided her over the rocks, _their_ rocks, to meet the registrar that stood waiting for them in his red robe. He knew he wanted to marry her here the second he put his ring on her finger. This place held so many memories for them, some bad, but good ones too. This was the very first place he mentioned marriage to her months and months ago, before he left, before her accident, and before he truly understood what it would mean to marry her. 

When they were in their places he turned around, still holding her hand, to look at their family. He looked around the sea of faces, from the office, the mahalle, and from home. All these people who cared about them. It was almost too much to comprehend, to have this much love gathered in one place. He wasn’t sure he deserved it, but he knew that she did, and he was eternally grateful.

Leyla and Emre stepped away from the crowd to perform their duties as witnesses. He took a moment before the official ceremony began to acknowledge her parents and his father, who had made the trip home just for this. He smiled and winked at Aziz Bey and nodded in thanks to Mevkibe and Nihat. They had made this dream into a reality for them.

  
He didn’t remember much from the ceremony itself. He remembered saying yes, and watching her whole face split into a grin when she said yes. He signed his name in the registrar’s book right next to hers, forever linking them together. They kissed in front of all their friends and family to seal the deal, just like he’d seen in American movies. The cheers of the guests were a buzz in his ears as he held her in his arms and looked into her eyes. They were an amber brown like the necklace she wore, the sunlight and her shimmering tears of happiness making them glow.

He helped her down from the rocks and onto the grass. Most of the guests had started walking back to the mahalle for the big meal, but he wanted a moment just for them. 

“I love you.” he said as he pushed a delicate silver band on her left hand.

She curled her lips up to flash him a toothy grin. “I love you too.”

He dug in his pocket for his ring and handed it to her. “Your turn.”

She slid the simple gold band on his left ring finger. She picked it so it would stand out from the other jewelry he wore. It was very traditional, but it suited him, and he was proud to wear it. 

“Shall we Mrs. Divit?” he held out an elbow and crooked an eyebrow.

She giggled and nodded and took his arm. He hoped she would always be this happy with him. 

They walked back to her neighborhood slowly, with her pointing out all the places she played or got hurt when she was a child along the way. It was a beautiful way to bid farewell to the place she had lived her whole life. 

Her family planned to send her off in style. When they returned to her street at dusk they found it decorated with banners and fairy lights. The traditional Turkish musicians were there, along with his favorite band who agreed to come as a favor to him. The drums and horns started as they walked in hand in hand, marveling at what their families had organized for them. There were tables lined up all the way down the street in a long line, colorful tablecloths and mixed china covering them. People were already sitting down and passing dishes to eat. Children were weaving through other guests, kicking footballs and trailing balloons behind them. He took a moment to take everything in before they were bombarded by well wishers. 

He didn’t recognize many of the people who greeted them, but he didn’t really mind. After about an hour he did have to interrupt the greetings to find a seat for his bride. He knew her feet probably hurt from being pinched in her strappy heels and she needed to eat. She had such a big heart, she wanted to hug every single person in the neighborhood. But it was his job to take care of her and he always made food a priority even when she didn’t. She smiled up at him gratefully when he set a plate down in front of her. He grinned back and sat next to her to eat his own food. His mother in law had outdone herself once again, and since his hunger was satiated he could focus on more important things. 

The traditional musicians were taking a break while his favorite band played. The next song started slowly, with only the instrumentals, and he recognized it as Can’t Help Falling in Love. It was one of his favorite English language songs, but played so simply, even without words, it held so much meaning. He needed to dance with his wife. She was still chewing as he pulled her up from her seat by the hand. Normally he didn’t dance at public functions like this, but she gave him confidence. Besides, it was a slow song, and they always managed to find a natural rhythm together. The light from the stars and the fairy lights reflected in her eyes and her smile was reflected in his. 

He never knew he could love a person this much. That they could keep growing together and their love could become stronger. He knew that you had to put a lot of work into a marriage, but he was sure that they would make it. She was the only person he wanted to try for, who he wanted to struggle with. She was the only person who ever loved him enough to care, to stick with him. He vowed to himself that he would always appreciate her. 

He could see in her eyes that she wanted all those things with him too, so he poured all his love for her into a kiss, just to make sure she knew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I listened to the song the more I wanted to cry. I think I will be beside myself when they finally get married in the show. 
> 
> PS- If any of the writers or stylists of EK are reading this, PLEASE put Sanem in my dress because I had an actual dream about it and had to draw it by hand because I couldn’t find anything that looked like it.


	40. Don’t go without me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “C'est la vie  
> C'est la mort  
> You and me  
> Forevermore”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “C’est La Mort” by The Civil Wars was somehow the perfect song for this chapter. It isn’t the most conventional love song, but I just loved the magical quality of it.
> 
> I listened to "Kiss Me" by Ed Sheeran for the end scene and it fit so perfectly.

-Her- 

He looked deliriously happy, maybe verging a bit more on delirious. After their beautiful first dance, the party ratcheted up a notch and soon the whole street was dancing. Muzo and CeyCey were passing around a flask of some homemade brew and he got his hands on it a few times. He was clapping his new pals on the back and loudly requesting songs. Luckily Metin and Akif were there as they had dealt with a drunk Can more than a few times. He didn’t get too out of hand, and it honestly amused her to see him lose control and let loose. He deserved it. 

She took a break from dancing to get a drink and rest her feet. She watched him effortlessly maneuver between old friends, coworkers, and her neighbors. He made everyone feel included, like they had his undivided attention. His smile was warm and genuine, it made you happy just looking at it. He had taken off his silk bow tie and loosened the top few buttons of his white shirt, but he still looked like he walked straight out of a magazine. His black tuxedo jacket was still around her shoulders where he put it when she sat down. It smelled like him. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and nudged Muzo for another swig from the flask. He probably didn’t know what the sight of his strong forearms and large veined hands did to her, not to mention the shiny ring on his left hand. But she would keep these thoughts to herself, for now.

It suddenly dawned on her that they had no transportation back to his house for tonight. Wedding night plans sort of got lost in the shuffle of planning the rest of the celebration. At least he had remembered to put his father and Emre up in a hotel so they could have the house to themselves. He offered to rent out the biggest fanciest hotel suite in the city for them, but she declined. She wanted to be comfortable, besides, expensive hotels weren’t really her thing. She wanted to make love in his bed, which they still hadn’t done even after all their time together. 

She spotted Emre a table away and got up to talk to him.

“Emre?” He turned from talking to Leyla. “Did Can drive here? I’m not sure how we will get home.”

“Oh yes!” He fished a set of keys out of his pants pocket and dropped them in her hand. “He gave me his keys to give to you, I almost forgot.”

“Thank you.” She gave him a fond smile.

“I think he knew that he would get like this.” He pointed toward his brother who was currently trying to learn a traditional dance. “He must love you to let you drive his truck.” 

A laugh bubbled out of her and she nodded. She looked between Emre and her sister for a moment before heading back to her seat. They were slowly figuring things out. Her wedding with Can had helped to soften the relations between the Aydin and Divit families. She hoped they could find the same happiness.

After finishing her drink and loosing Can in the crowd she decided to head into her house to use the restroom and grab her bag. While she was washing her hands it hit her that this really wasn’t her house anymore. Of course she would always be welcome, but it wouldn’t be the same. She sat on her bed for a minute and looked around her room. So many memories lived here. She looked at the albatross plastered on her wall and thought about how funny fate was. She didn’t feel melancholy about leaving it behind because she was going home with her albatross. The last things she packed in her bag were her pink notebook and the feather pen he bought for her. 

He was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs.

“I thought I lost you.” He did look a little worried.

“Never.” She smiled and hopped off the last step.

He took her bag from her and she put a hand on his beard to turn his head so she could kiss him. He tasted like alcohol and his body melted into hers. It was definitely time to go home. 

He insisted on giving her his arm as they stepped out of the house, even though he was the one unsteady on his feet. The wheels of her rolling suitcase crackled over the cobblestones of her street as they walked over to bid her parents farewell. Her mother was a blubbering mess as predicted, and her father had to give them both unsolicited words of advice before they left. She wouldn’t have it any other way. She watched her parents pull him into a hug between them and smiled. Her parents had always had enough love for every friend or lost soul in the mahalle, but there was something so special about their love for Can. He truly was their son.

The drive home was quick and uneventful. He spent the entire time kissing her hands and touching any exposed skin he could. It was more than a little distracting, but she didn’t stop him. It amused her that he was even more affectionate when drunk than he was normally, which when it came to her, was a lot. Every time he kissed her moonstone ring it sent a thrill of arousal shooting up her spine.

He didn’t let up even as they walked in the house with her bag in tow. He wanted to carry her over the threshold like they did in old movies, but she refused on the basis of his less than sober state. He was probably strong and steady enough to pull it off, but she wasn’t about to take the chance and have to spend her wedding night in the hospital. She had something a lot more fun planned for their evening, but she needed to get into her bag and into their room.

Can effectively ruined her plans when he carelessly tossed her bag on the floor near his desk and pulled her in for a kiss. His long arms wrapped around her so tight she could barely breathe. His kiss was a little sloppy, but not careless. He knew what he wanted and he was going to get it. It made her dizzy with lust when he took charge like this. She forgot all about brushing her teeth and putting on her new lingerie set.

He was already trying to unzip her dress and push down the delicate sleeves. He was getting frustrated, so she stopped him before he resorted to ripping it off of her. 

“Patience my love.” She gently chided him, her hand over his heart.

“I’ve waited long enough.” His eyes were black as he leaned in to kiss her again.

She only allowed a peck before unzipping her wedding gown and carefully pulling it down off her body. He tried to pounce on her again, but she laughed and pushed him away so she could drape her dress over a chair. She was only getting married once and she wanted her gown preserved.

He was allowed to hold her and kiss her now. It amused her that he hadn’t attempted to undress himself at all while waiting for her. She was never more appreciative of his one track mind. He had wandering hands and a wandering mouth. One second it was her lips, then her neck, his hands ran down her arms, then her hips. She pressed into him, absorbing his heat and inhaling his scent. 

They were standing at the foot of his bed, their bed, her in a long line bra and a comfy pair of underwear, him in his tuxedo pants and white shirt. They hadn’t even taken their shoes off when they got in the house. She needed to even the playing field. She pushed him back for a moment to slip off her heels, then surprised him by pushing him harder so he fell down on the bed. She laughed at the shocked look on his face. She deftly unhooked her bra and dropped it to the floor before crawling over him on the bed. His hooded eyes watched as she unbuttoned his shirt, all the way down. She continued her path downward by unfastening his trousers. His heavy breathing indicated that he was pleased with his wife’s work.

She had to crawl back off of him so he could stand and shed his clothes. She stood waiting inches from him as he hastily pulled off his shoes, socks, and shirt, then peeled off his pants, underwear down with them. He smirked and loosened his hair from it’s knot. He was glorious. No Greek god or marble statue could ever compare.

She was so lost in him that it took her by surprise when he pulled her in and roughly pulled her panties down. Her heart was racing and her breath came in pants. She was now acutely aware of how long they had gone without this. He wasn’t going to wait one more minute.  

He hoisted her up with one arm and dropped her on the bed, a satisfied smile on his face. It was most likely the alcohol, but he had never been this playful before. The urgency was definitely still there, but there was something so joyful and free about him that she’d never experienced. She loved it. He hovered over her on his hands and knees. Their teeth clacked together when they kissed. He couldn’t stop smiling long enough to kiss her properly. 

She looked up at him looking down on her. He looked like a lion with his hair down like this, a lion she tamed. This man was her husband. She got to keep him, forever.

The lion grew impatient and pounced once again. He picked her up with one arm to move her further up the bed, right where he wanted her. She felt his big hands on her thighs, pushing her legs up and apart, and then he was right there. He was already pushing inside, and she held her breath from the feeling. He slid all the way in really slowly before gradually moving faster. 

He still had his hands on her thighs, sitting back on his knees like he was gave her a magnificent view of his body. There was a light sheen of sweat all down his torso and his smile had faded to an aroused grin. She thought maybe the liquor had gotten to him when he suddenly dropped down to lay on top of her. But when he began kissing and suckling at the skin of her neck she knew that he knew exactly what he was doing. 

Every sensation seemed to be more enhanced tonight. The hair on the tops of his thighs brushing the back of hers. His beard scratching a path down the thin skin of her chest. Teeth scraping the deep pink flesh of her nipples. She swore she could feel every ridge of him each time he pushed in, hitting just the right spot every time. He slipped an arm under her back to hold her even tighter to his chest, so close it felt like they were becoming one. She wound her arms around his neck, hands in his hair, and just held on as she quickly reached her peak. 

Her moans started quietly enough, but he snapped his hips, pushing deeper than he had before, and her lips parted in a small scream. His masculine grunts gradually increased in pitch until they became quiet keening moans. When he came, his sounds, his  _ breath _ , stopped completely. She felt him pulse inside her, the rest of his body rigid above her. 

She didn't want him to move, the feeling of him twitching in her turned her on impossibly more, but men weren't so fortunate as women, and he had to pull out. His arms were shaky as he pushed up from her and onto his back. She quickly rolled to lay next to him, her head on his chest. She let him come down from his high while she stroked the sparse hair of his chest and thick hair of  his beard.

“I’m so glad I don’t have to wait two months to do that again.” He was still a little out of breath.

She made a sound of mock outrage. “What do you mean? Was I not worth the wait?”

He smiled wide and looked down at her. “You were definitely worth it. My wife.”

She couldn’t hide her genuine smile. “In that case, husband, I’ll only make you wait two minutes.”

His eyebrows rose in surprise before she pushed up to kiss him soundly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the wedding we deserved for Canem. I want to cry just thinking about how they will never spend a night together in his bed on the show because Aziz Bey sold the house, at least most likely. That dress zipping scene was fire, but we needed more.  
> I know we will make new memories and they will grow together even stronger, but I am still in a state of mourning. That’s why we have fanfic!  
> `


End file.
